Christmas gifts and grandparents

[june07]

I have noticed the abundance of junk Christmas gifts (especially baby's first Christmas' junk) which can be ordered through the various baby catalogues and want to pre-empt the giving of these gifts - mainly by my MIL and to a lesser degree my own mom - by telling them now. The main reasons are: I think it is a waste of their money as my 4 month old DS is hardly going to appreciate it; we live in a very tiny flat and there is no room to store large Christmas items; and for some items such as 'Christmas stocking' I would like to buy/make this myself. My MIL has already purchased 4 large teddy bears (notice rate of more than one teddy bear a month)and I am not sure how best to stop this without hurting her feelings. I thank her for each bear at the moment but when my DP and I ask her to refrain from more purchases, she says she will not stop because she likes buying them.

She is keen to give my DS his 'first' everything (from teddy bears to baths to solid food) and ignores our please on how we might want to do this ourselves . How do I stop her or AIBU and should just'suck it up'?

I LOVE this subject! My honest (and used) response is: be very upfront and tell your parents that you don't want it buying, partially because of space but also you were wanting to do things yourselves, and if they ignore, just box up the stuff and don't use it, either store it at home or at someone's house / cellar / loft, so when they say 'where is such and such i bought for xxx' you can say that you had told them you didn't want it and don't use it: be warned, if you don't put your foot down, you will start finf=ding you are either innundated with crap and / or you will have folk sticking unwanted elbows in and after a while you realise every man and his dog have been involved with your little one but not you!!

Be really really upfront and honest and then be prepared for everyone to ignore you utterly. Practise your 'how wonderful, thank you so much' speech so you don't upset anyone.

Honestly, you can say what you want but in the end you have to let them do it. Grandchild's first Christmas is a big, big deal, I'm afraid. We said 'please no soft toys, we have enough to start a shop' when dd was born (second child) but still they came...

I have donated loads of stuff to the children's ward - they are very grateful and you don't feel so bad giving stuff away if you do that.

I put the 'first christmas'baubles and breakable stuff in a box and threw it down the steps (snigger)

I told my PIL not to buy my kids so much stuff at Xmas (It's their birthday at Xmas too) but we would love it if they started babysitting once a month & spend some time with the kids instead!

Initially I was called ungrateful & cheeky etc... but they realised eventually I wasn't doing it to be "Bossy" I just felt bad that they got so much stuff at Xmas from everyone & we never got out the door by ourselves!

Now the GP's know the baby sitting is appreciated & they always bring them a bag of sweets or a magazine.... small things that I don't mind them getting... it was the huge guilty conscience easing gifts I hated them getting!!

Do you think it would work if you said you didn't want gifts but baby sitting favours?

why did you do that fishfingers?

I wouldn't deliberately break anything someone had gone to the bother or picking & buying for my children.

Actually I hate wasteful destruction more than people buying stupid gifts.

erm, am i the only one thinking that YOU are the one who gets to give him his first bath and solid food? she's had her turn with your dh. he's your child.

i'd let her buy the crap, but put your foot down on the stuff that is really important to you.

psml fish fingers. i think life is too short and space too tight to keep crap that ppl buy. they feel good giving it, so why not feel good about getting rid of it, whether thru breakage (have done this also
), or donating to charity.

I would let them buy it, then disreetly send to charity shop. I know it is wasteful, but they might take umbrage or offence if you say something.

We have sent hundreds of teddies and toys to charity or to the doctor's surgery, or children's wards. It is only in the first couple of years after which it all calms down.

thanks for all the advice! I think the donating to children's ward is the best one for toys in general. This weekend MIL noticed someone had already given my DS a little bike (hand me down) and she was disappointed as I know she was planning to buy one for him. May even borrow items now to fill the flat with everytime she visits! Now for clothes...am returning some unlined itchy/scratchy wooly jumper today that MIL bought for my DS who has ezcema.

My mother would never stop buying for my DDs, so I just make sure she buys something useful. Last year, my youngest DD was only 8 weeks, so she bought her sleepsuits, vests, clothing in sizes 0 - 9 months and toiletries etc. All the boring stuff that I need throughout the year! I'm still using the clothes that she bought last Christmas (as she went up to 6 - 9 months), it looks like we're only just going to run out of last Christmas's stuff just before my DD's birthday. So I'll be repeating the process again this year!

Unfortunately, though the ILs buy what they want, rather than what we actually need - despite polite and more direct requests. So anything we don't need just does down the charity shop.

I'm so lucky that my mum who adores buying DS stuff is sensible enough to buy him boot sale/charity shop toys for birthday and Xmas and put money into an account for him.

She bought him an enormous fire engine (almost as big as him) for his birthday from a boot sale at the weekend for about £3 and will probably give him £30 for his account. Best of both worlds and I don't feel bad giving it to charity when he's outgrown stuff.

my step MIL is apparently peed off with DH and I because we had the gaul to buy DS a scooter type thing which was hugely reduced, because she wanted to buy him one for Xmas. Er, tough!

we've made it clear that there is no need to spend much on our kids, and that we don't have a huge amount of room for things either. We live in a smallish 2 bedroom terrace, and come Xmas will have an 18mth old and 2mth old- both of whom need chairs, playpens, nappy boxes etc. Huge gifts are innappropriate and not neccessary.

We're spending £20 each on them both, and most relatives have understood that they don't need much. Still suspect PIL will buy something silly though- the unwanted babywalker is currently lumped out while i try and home it.

If they actually ask for advice, heres a couple of space-saving suggestions:

for little ones, some good poem/story anthologies. The loving GP can write in the front so the child knows when they are older who gave it, and the GP can read to them from it. Send them a Red House (or similar) catalog as a hint. It doesnt matter with books if they want to get the child their first encyclopaedia when they are 1, it'll keep.

For somewhat older children, a subscription to a zoo (swimming pool, whatever).

If they do insist on giving something huge.. well all I can suggest is that you say, oh its lovely, DC will so enjoy playing with this when we are visiting you

can you ask them to buy a specific item. I try to have suggestions ready for anyone who asks.

You could say to them that if they buy something big it will stay rounds their's for DC to play with.

I have a friend whose mum bought her 3yo ds a HUGE ride on electric car; she was effusive in her thanks and kept emphasising JUST how much he was going to enjoy visiting grandma because the lovely car would be waiting for him....
...he's now nearly 6 and funnily enough no further enormous toys have been bought, either for little Harry or his younger sister.

Hehe I do that as well really big or noisy toys are kept at nanny's house ....she is car boot queen and does my head in I currently have 4 huge boxes of toys in the garage to get rid off

I am dreading this. I strongly suspect a lorry with a 40-ft shipping container will turn up on our doorstep within hours of DD's birth, courtesy of PILs.

I think there is re-gifting potential here. If it's all new and your child hasn't clapped eyes on it, I would be very tempted to re-wrap it and pass it on at the next birthday party.

Is it my imagination or are toys getting noisier and noisier? I don't mind the musical ones as much (although they are a bit tinny sounding and very annoying to me) but a lot of the toys given to my DS have inane little speaking sounds and nonsense phrases. I think I talk enough nonsense to him myself (trying to get more and more smiles and chuckles and some 'conversation' back) that he doesn't need his inanimate toys babbling at him. What exactly are these talking teddies supposed to be teaching him? That he needs to punch, pinch or kick to get a response out of 'someone'?

The chips that make them talk are so cheap now (cheap as chips, ha ha ha) that I suppose the toy companies think they might as well stick one in as not.

Call me a bitch, but we are telling FIL (a particular sucker for plastic crap of any description) that any toy that makes a noise goes straight on eBay.

june07- last year they bought my DS a babywalker, even though he was already walking holding onto furniture. It has a tray on it with sounds, which i swear is like aircraft landing in the garden. There's no volume control, either!

I may be cheeky and just ask for non-noisy cars or arts and crafts stuff for him this year

Could be worse, people, you could have GP like my twin daughters', whose Nan bought one a telescope (that was not to share) and the other a jigsaw puzzle (also not to share!). And no, there isn't a 'naughty' twin who got the puzzle!

Ask them to keep the big stuff at their house so you don't need to take toys when you visit. Or, save the favourite teddy and put the rest in a charity bag. We have this every Christmas - huge bin liner of tut. (MIL) My mum has been trained to ask and buy from a list, but this just doesn't work with some people. I just give stuff to charity every couple of months and keep the stuff they play with. Noone remembers what they gave them, they give thm so much!