In love with someone else

[Granolaslice]

I’m falling in love with someone else.
He is single, older than me, but he and I get on really well and he’s extremely kind, caring and empathetic.
I’m not married, but me and my partner have a child and a mortgage together.
He’s always in a bad mood with me, he’s snappy, he’s told me he finds me irritating, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. But he’s a brilliant father to our DS. He’s so hands on and they have a wonderful relationship.
We still have sex, but there doesn’t seem to be much spark there anymore. He doesn’t really kiss me unless I initiate it and he spends a lot of time playing computer games when DS has gone to bed.
I tried and tried talking to him and telling him how I feel, but he gets annoyed/upset/angry at me and won’t tell me how he’s feeling or even discuss how we move forward.
So the new guy comes in, I’ve known him for a while. We talk on the phone, online, on WhatsApp...I talk to him about everything and we have such deep and meaningful conversations. We both like each other and I find him very attractive too.
I’m falling in deep and I don’t know what to do.

Sort out your relationship with your dp one way or the other.

Block the other man. Decide whether to stay in your current relationship or not. Do not decide based on whether you want to be with the new man.

Don't be a shit.

What is the new guys relationship status? How old is your DC and how long have you been with your partner?

New guy aside, your relationship doesn’t sound great tbh. The fact that he is a great hands on father doesn’t make up for how he treats you.

You need to have a think about this. Is the new guy attractive to you because he is seemingly offering you what your partner is not? If you were single, would he still seem as attractive?

The relationship you have with your partner is no way to live but also don’t assume that the new guy is the answer to everything. If you left your partner for the new guy and it didn’t work out, would you be happy to be on your own?

Sounds like the new bloke thinks you are up for an affair and is keen to get in there. Don't put any trust in him.

If you are ready to ditch the DP, do. Have some time alone before taking up with another man.

Agree with everyone else. Sort out your relationship with your dp one way or the other.

I would be wary of a man trying it on with someone who is attached....may want the chase or a bit of fun without commitment

you are at a vulnerable position atm, the new guy knows it. be careful.
try to sort out your relationship first; continue or break up.
dont rely on the new man.

Please don’t be that person who needs someone else before they move on . Could you move out with the children for a while and sort your head out and make your dp realise you are not happy .

Try to view them as separate issues.

1. You don't sound happy in your relationship and if you are not, then you should end it.

1. There is a guy you like and you may or may not end up with him.

It's best to end things in your current relationship asap.

Make sure you don’t fantasise your online liaisons.

Just imagine telling your children that you are seeing another man and that's why their family is breaking up. If you are unhappy with your partner then either end it or split up. Don't put yourself so firmly in the wrong that your own children are unhappy face

@Granolaslice

I’m falling in love with someone else. He is single, older than me, but he and I get on really well and he’s extremely kind, caring and empathetic. I’m not married, but me and my partner have a child and a mortgage together. He’s always in a bad mood with me, he’s snappy, he’s told me he finds me irritating, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. But he’s a brilliant father to our DS. He’s so hands on and they have a wonderful relationship. We still have sex, but there doesn’t seem to be much spark there anymore. He doesn’t really kiss me unless I initiate it and he spends a lot of time playing computer games when DS has gone to bed. I tried and tried talking to him and telling him how I feel, but he gets annoyed/upset/angry at me and won’t tell me how he’s feeling or even discuss how we move forward. So the new guy comes in, I’ve known him for a while. We talk on the phone, online, on WhatsApp...I talk to him about everything and we have such deep and meaningful conversations. We both like each other and I find him very attractive too. I’m falling in deep and I don’t know what to do.

No you are not. You are falling in love with an idea that the other guy is better than the guy you have now because he is flattering you and flirting with you ( and probably grooming you for sex).

Sort your relationship out.

I agree DP and OM are 2 issues and first issue needs to be sorted first. Dont let the OM cloud your judgement.

This was me last year. I read multiple Mumsnet threads and the advice was the same as above. I didn't listen, I made the mistake of getting too close. I too thought we were falling in love. It was the biggest mistake of my life.

Remember people who are trying to pursue you will never show you their true self- only the best parts.

You said you initiate kissing/sex with DP. That honestly doesn't indicate that you're falling bon live with the OM. If you get deeper into it, you'll stop initiating intimacy with your DP. Then, he'll either notice and pull his socks up, or he won't care at all. In the meantime, I don't think you're as head over heels as your mind is trying to convince you that you are. When you are, you won't want sex with your DP. Trust me.

*in love. Bloody gin

Knock it off with this other man. Make a decision regarding your current partner, you can't have both. The grass is not always greener on the other side but being on your own may be the best thing for you right now or work on your existing relationship. Pissing around with a bit of comfort from a new man is not the answer.

Have you stopped doing it then OP?

You sound exceptionally selfish OP. Stop any contact with this amazing older man and sort yourself out.
Do you want to be with your DP? Does he make you happy, or are you just happy with his parenting skills? Is the relationships salvageable?

You are hurtling towards a very painful affair which will devastate your family (you are already having an emotional affair).