I’m a one women pity party...it is going to get better right?

[Fightingback16]

Sorry today I just feel really down and I don’t have many people to talk too. I lost my dad to cancer 2 years ago, he was my best friend. My mum has a long term illness so I can’t go to her. My husband I’m divorcing for domestic abuse (as some of you know). I had to let my dog go as I moved in with my mum after fleeing my home with my daughter and she is very asthmatic and my dog made her unwell. My home my husband is slowly destroying and he won’t leave. My friends disappeared during my marriage because he didn’t like them. I have a court case for finances in a month, which I just can’t afford. It’a just really hit home the marriage I was in and I’ve just realised I stopped loving my husband 10 years before I left but I was too scared to see it, so I feel like shit.

But I’m alive and I f***g love my daughter more then anything and I’d do it all again for her but tonight I’m tired and I’ve had enough of life so I need to rant. Sometimes life is so shit!

Does this get any better????

Its going to get better. You have done the right thing and will start to build a better future now.
Well done for being brave.

You are incredibly strong, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now.

You are showing your daughter that it’s ok to leave a relationship that’s abusive, you are showing her not to tolerate shit from men.

I’m so sorry about your dad, I bet he’d be so proud of you. One day at a time, things will get better.

Today I don’t feel strong at all. I looked in the mirror earlier, I’m only 37 and I have aged in the last year I barely recognise myself. My hair is so grey now and half of it fell out after a couple of years with him and my face is going wrinkly. He took my youth away.

It's ok to feel like crap. It's ok to grieve. It's ok to be scared.

Those are all temporary things though. It will get better. You will work out who you are and how you want to live. And you'll make it happen.

There will be more crappy days along the way, but they will get fewer and the good ones will get more frequent.

I feel like I’m grieving myself because I can’t reach that person anymore, she died when I left, she was so sad and she didn’t know why. I now fully realise that she (I) was so sad and depressed because she was lying and putting on a face to live with a man she didn’t love but couldn’t leave.

I have been on here asking many questions mostly centred around him and can abusive men love but I’ve had it all wrong because it was me who didn’t love him. He may have done in his own twisted ways but I lied to myself.

I’ve missed the birth of my daughter and those special memories I will never get back because I was not awake, I was dead between the eyes. I won’t miss any more but I would have liked to do it again. She is amazing thought and the reason I carry on.

Today I don’t feel strong at all. I looked in the mirror earlier, I’m only 37 and I have aged in the last year I barely recognise myself. My hair is so grey now and half of it fell out after a couple of years with him and my face is going wrinkly. He took my youth away.

You have had the most horrific time. I am so sorry about your Dad. I lost mine too and it's awful.
Your marriage sounds like a nightmare. It is good that you are getting out.
I have had a lot happen to me in the last 7 years - both parents deceased, disastrous relationship and a few other things too.
6 months ago I looked really old and tired and worn out.
I'm starting to bounce back now.
You will too - things will get better.
Concentrate on yourself, eating a good diet, taking some vitamin supplements. Your hair will recover. Your face will look better when you are not under so much strain. You will be radiant again. I know it.