Have you ever bought a pair of shoes because you thought they were amazing?
Like, they made you feel good when you wore them: they made you feel stylish, gave your ego a boost, they felt comfortable, etc. They really are "you".
A few years on, they're still comfy but their getting a bit worn about the edges. You're used to them. You've worn them pretty much every day. They're not exciting anymore. So they don't give you that "buzz".
Then you spot some new shoes. You have to have them. You bet they'll make you feel good when you wear them: they'll make you feel stylish again, give your ego a boost, they'll feel comfortable, etc. They really are "you". Okay, you still have your old shoes. You'd feel bad about throwing them out - after all, they still do the job. So you keep them around to wear about the house and then sneakily buy the new ones to wear on a sneaky night out.
That's you and the OW, that is. To the cheater your pairs of shoes. No more, no less. And they love you the same way people love pairs of shoes. Is that the same as real love and intimacy? With a real, complex person? You tell me.