Hi all, please don’t judge just want your honest opinions.
I am a married woman with 1 child , I’ve been married for 8 years and together for 14. Last year I came against some difficulties after loosing our 2nd child. I felt that this started after this.
I worked closely with a male individual, this is normal in my job to work closely with others as a team. This male who I’ll call ‘josh’ had recently just got engaged to his partner of 7 years. Our relationship was friends only at first - lunch with other members of the team then just us. The friendship developed and we had flirty banter. Generally I felt we had a lot in common and bounced off one another. I had known josh for 9 months by this time. Both of us never spoke about our current relationships and he never said he was unhappy. I for which was struggling but didn’t say. He then handed his notice in as had found a better paid job. During his notice period he stepped things up. He admitted to found me sexual attractive. We went for drinks on his last day as a team and a drunk kiss happened. This was kept a secret and I felt truly ashamed. He insisted to chat further after this. I unfortunately did the same. He left our place and during this time the talking was intensive over message - early morning texts ‘thinking of you’ and 2am texting. As bad as it sounds my husband was else where with friends and felt I needed some attention, what ever it be at this time. I know this is wrong. The texts where sexual, flirty and he made no secret that he wanted stuff to progress sexually. Weeks went by like this and we met again. This time stuff went a little further but I felt that deep down it wasn’t a sexual relationship I wanted with the person but more so was emotionally attached. I didn’t sleep with josh. I felt this was the ultimate betrayal.
After this second encounter he then withdrawn from me. He went cold, spoke less and seemed distant. I got the ‘vibe’ I was still very much into him and wondered what might happen to my marriage. Questioning things. He then said I was ‘being needy’ and stuff should chill. I agreed as didn’t want to look a fool and communicate ceased for a few weeks. I knew I’d made a mistake and I tried to connect with my husband again. All this time I could stop thinking about Josh. But I knew what I’d done was wrong and I think so had he. Before we broke contact he said he didn’t regret a thing and it was everything he wanted at the time but someone will get hurt and I would loose my family. We agreed to keep our distance.
1 month later he turns up drunk to my friends house - ringing relentlessly at 4am. We have a few mutual friends. I go to talk to him to take him away from her house. I’m sober and he’s trying to kiss me. The whole time I’m not entertaining. He said I love you, and he’s wanted me for ages. I put him in a taxi and sent him home. He says the next day not to ever believe a drunk man. So he remembers this. Later that day I loose my mind. I can’t do it any more so I tell in fact I do have feelings For him. Not out of choice and I felt he’s hurt me and lead me on. He sends a page long message back - I’m sorry I hurt you, this was never my plan. Your right I dont know what I want but I am happy. I am getting married and we both know nothing can come of this now. We both have too much to loose. I don’t regret it and it I’m really sorry I hurt you. At that I didn’t reply. I did keep his number, social media and snapchat and tried to be mature. The whole time I’m breaking. I also said to hurt him I said ‘why do you think now I didn’t take this further sexually’
8 months pass and nothing. I send the odd message wishing him well, as Id seen he’d got promoted at work on FB. Sends a thank you. Blunt but polite. Odd snap to him but nothing returned. I get promoted, take care of myself more, Work on myself, getting over my miscarriage. Trying at my marriage. The whole time he’s watching my Snapchat (which obviously were positive snaps)
I eventually until a month ago felt I’d moved forward. I knew I’d made a mistake. I didn’t want to loose my family and I feel awful. As for josh I genuinely just wanted to see him happy, get married and I had finally felt over it.
Out of know where over the last month on snapChat Josh has been chatting. Asking how work is, life and just chit chat. Seemed like before when was friends - convo flowed and it was nice to catch up. He then turns it to saying wasn’t he worth my time anymore which I truly say no he wasn’t in that respect. He said I’d always be worth it to him. He said he missed the days of the working together and that there was no one else like me. It all fell on death ears at this time. He then asked to meet up to catch up which I declined. He still is planning to get married. He has then been pretty consistent with texting. He use to only message certain at times when he wasn’t at home. He messages now in the day just general chat. If he picks a message up when he can’t reply he then does later apologising. We seem to be able to chat like we use to before all this. He’s flirty occasionally and compliments me.
It’s been so hard to move on after feeling a close bond. And to have him back here in touch is hard.
Why do you think he’s back- knowing full well I had feelings for him and he hurt me. It was sour after. Said We wouldn’t talk and now he’s back here. I feel he was just wanting a ‘F**k which I said I wouldn’t so he knows he won’t get that. He’s still happily planning his wedding.
I know I’m stupid to talk back, I look a mug. I’m unfair on my husband and im trying to work this out. I’m a horrible person and shouldn’t entertain this. He’s a complete head mess that goes hot and cold and it’s been almost a year since this started. What is your views. Thank you x