Would thid put you off dating someone?

[redlipped]

Met a lovely guy. Been on 3 dates. We get on like a house on fire. Loads of chemistry. I really fancy him. Problem is, we only see each other on weekends at the moment (fine by me), but he doesn't really text much. When I say this, I mean I might get a couple of messages every 2 days or so. He might take a day to respond to a message even though I can see he has been online, and I feel like if I didn't message him every so often, I would never hear from him. I don't mind the lack of texting in a relationship so much, as I don't like being glued to my phone, but I do feel like a bit of communication is healthy in the early days. The issue is more that it creates a lot of anxiety for me, makes me second guess myself, and generally makes me feel that he's not that interested. It would be reassuring to know that this is normal but I'm not convinced it is! Any advice?

I’m a phone beside me reply in seconds Person.

My boyfriend isn’t. He can not look at his phone for a whole day. The first time or two I was a bit anxious about it but within a couple of weeks I had got my head around it and it doesn’t bother me now.

He’s very good when he knows I’ve something important happening but crap at casual texting.

You need to decide if you can live with it.

@doccomplaint down the line I definitely could live with it. I don't look at my phone at all when I'm at work until my lunch break. I would just expect in the early days a bit of communication in the 6 days we don't see each other might be important. I've not dated in a while so not sure. I'm slightly anxious he's just not interested, but then when we are together it's great!

That’s exactly how I felt.

I’m 50 he’s 56 I think we were 48 and 54 when we started dating.

I am so used to my teens and insta answers to texts - but me and him ring each other maybe twice a week and if there’s something on he will ring the night before and text that day in the day (he can’t ring from work).

I’m used to it now and it doesn’t bother me, but my best friend is astounded she needs someone who replies all the time.

If he's consistently seeing you every weekend I don't see an issue. If he starts skipping then he's prob not into you.

I’m going against the grain here- I think without regular (I’m talking once or twice a day- not all day everyday!) communication in the week, you run the risk of losing momentum and excitement/feelings can burn out.

I was in a relationship like this that drove me bananas in the end. Neither of us were in the wrong, just had different wants / expectations. In the end I actually broke up with him because I wanted a relationship that wasn’t just at the weekends and that any comms we had would be more than just a few words every few days

Really depends on what you want. It’s not wrong, but neither is his approach

A man you have met just three times texts you every two days. I think that it way healthier than these guys who have nothing better to do than constantly text rubbish all bloody day. So tedious! After three dates I'd expect the same, mainly to sort the next date

Exactly what IvyEf said.

How old are you, OP? I'm in my 40's and it would drive me bonkers to feel I had to respond to several texts per day. I'd also want to be with someone who had other things going on in their life.

I think for 3 dates in, it can only really be casual at this point so it isnt massively abnormal, is he dating other people? If theres no text conversation at all though when you start one and he isn't calling or arranging anything I would just take that to mean he isn't overly invested. If you really like someone and can't get them off your mind you want to talk to them and get to know them better and be around them IMO.

Sounds very healthy and refreshing. I love a man who isn't glued to his phone.

I'm more like him - the last man I dated was an incessant texter so I ended things, I have a life, a job, a child, friends... I have zero interest in fitting in "look at phone all sodding day".
If constant communication is important to you, tell him and have a proper conversation about it, because if he is not naturally interested in texting, he really is not going to suddenly become more interested.

I'd stop texting him and see what happens

Wouldn't put me off at all. Sounds ideal to me. What puts me off is too much texting early on, it's overkill, I want to have space to wonder about them a bit.

Sounds *very healthy and refreshing. I love a man who isn't glued to his phone.
*
Yy, this too. Say things got serious and you lived together, would you want a constant phone checker then?

Agree with pp. Stop messaging first. See what happens

If I am back with my kids, we talk in the evening on the phone, if I'm at home (I'm mostly moved now) we rarely talk during the work day unless it's important and can't wait. When he travelled (pre lockdown obviously) he tried to call or at least email each day but occasionally just a quick text to say he was with clients until late. As an adult this is fine