My Dh and I are rarely intimate. This has been going on for years. I bring it up, he gets defensive.
It's quite complicated. I am a survivor of sexual abuse and so for a long time he was terrified of triggering me. I know what I want though and I am more than able to know how to handle a flashback. I have also tried to talk to him about how he can help me if the situation arises. I did have a flashback early on in our relationship during sex and again on our honeymoon.
For a long time this was the issue, although I felt I was being punished for my past (something else my abuser took from me. On top of this when I was pregnant with our first child he found it difficult as he was worried about hurting the baby. She is now 13. There are times when our sex life is non existent. When it does happen it makes me realise what I am missing and I want this more regularly whereas he doesn't. He says his sex drive isn't as high as mine.
I reported man that abused me. The lead up to trial was stressful. Made by worse by the fact I discovered DH was sexting an ex colleague.
He told me he was so stressed and he had done this as an escape and he could do things he couldn't ask me to do as he was worried about triggering me. I was so hurt and angry. He had done this with someone else all the time whilst rejecting me. That was 5 years ago. We went to relate. Our relationship improved but intimacy has always been a bit hit and miss.
I have told him I need more. I have told him I can't live like a nun. Nothing changes. It's next just the sex I miss but the intimacy. The passionate kisses. The other night I laid the cards down and told him how unhappy I was, how I can't live like this. I joked "don't make me join Tinder". He laughed. I told him I was serious. A bit later on I said something suggestive and he sighed and rolled his eyes. I was so hurt and upset and went to the bathroom and cried.
The next day he sent me a big bunch of flowers (something he hasn't done in ages). He has been trying to be more affectionate and kissing me, but not for long. I want long slow deep kisses. I miss them. If I see a film where there is a passionate kiss I burst into tears. It feels so long since I've had this.
Yesterday I texted him whilst he was at work and told him I miss those early days of hardly coming up for air. He implied he would put this right later. I asked him when he came home what we were going to do and he told me he was going to be kissing his wife.
We had dinner, settled the children down. We were in bed around 10:30 last night and he started to send someone a really long text. I asked him who he was texting. He told me he was texting the mother of a pupil (he is a driving instructor). I said (teasing) "would you rather be texting the mother of a pupil or kissing your wife?". He snapped and said "for god's sake I'm working! I will be with you in a minute".
I was so angry about this. I'm not a patient at the dentist. Does he just expect me to wait around until he is ready? I feel like I've been doing this for years already. I responded "I'm not laying her waiting for you" turned over and went to sleep.
I'm so angry. I do have complex PTSD and so have difficulty regulating my emotions and once my anger is triggered it takes me a while to calm down. I have been awake since 4am still feeling really angry. It was just so dismissive especially given the conversations we have been having.
I love him. He is the first relationship I have have where I felt loved. But I have felt undesired for so long. He seems to be trying to rectify this but last night I felt like I was a source of irritation as do low down on his list of priorities.
Am I being over sensitive? Please don't tell me to leave him as I don't want to. I just want us back. DDs are 13 and nearly 8. We never have time to ourselves which doesn't help.
Sorry for the long rant. Please be gentle.
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Am really upset by this. Am I overreacting? - trigger warning historic sexual abuse
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toothfairy73 · 29/08/2020 06:00
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