My friend need help desperately

[Whatdowehaveherethen]

She's in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship. I don't know if there's any other forms of abuse. They have young kids. We used to working to together but
I've since moved area. They are joint tenants in a housing association property.

He's awful. Always has been. She's completely lost. He pays the rent due to being a high earner but that's it. She used to work nights and would have to care for the kids during the day.

How can I help her?

She's blamed me for moving away but I know it's frustration that she can't take out on him.

How can she get him out with no proof of abuse?

He only pays the rent to secure his own housing by the way. He couldn't care less about my friend and the kids.

Does she actually want to leave? Why can’t she call women’s aid?

If she blamed you for leaving, she’s not in the right headspace to understand that she has the power to end her relationship. She may well be lashing out but it doesn’t change the fact that blaming you is easier than taking control over her circumstances.

How can you support her? Direct her to services where she has to make the first steps. However, you can’t help her to help herself, if she isn’t ready to.

She blamed you for moving away...
are you actually her ex bf who wont leave her alone? Maybe the kids dad?

Because you must have got pretty damn obsessive for her to want to up and move or for him to feel you were such a threat, that he had to convince her to move.

I mean maybe you were just getting really close to rumbling him though... Or he was having a hard time cutting just you out of her life like he had all her other friends?

But it just seems a bit of an odd thing to blame you for having to move.

@Bunnymumy
The op moved.

Ahhh gotcha. That makes more sense.

In that case she sounds just as manipulative as her hubby.

But then...often when we are in abusive relationships, we can turn into energy vampires ourselves with those who remain in our lives. Because we need so desperately to restore what the abusive partner is taking from us. So that one person we trust might get all of our shit unloaded onto them.

Was she a nice enough sort of person before her partner came onto the scene? A good friend?

It sounds like you've tried it best as is so dont beat yourself up. Like pp said, if she isnt ready to leave then theres little you can do. But trying to encourage her to speak with womens aid might be worthwhile. Or you could link her to some YouTube videos on narcissists. Melanie tonia Evans makes good vlogs. Hearing another woman.talk about abuse and how to spot it, can help.

Call her local police.

I just did that for an old friend. Domestic abuse is an offence, and at the very least he can be removed from the home until she gets herself sorted.

FWIW I moved away from my friend too, but the fact her dp is abusing her has nothing to do with your location op.

I was the one that moved.

I completely understand why she is upset with me. I know she's projecting as she can't to her DP.

She doesn't want to the relationship to be over. At all. He is living there until he finds somewhere to go but he's making no effort.

I thought of women's aid but wouldn't suggest she leaves the house? Is she does, would that be her giving up her tenancy?

How can she call the police on somebody with no proof of abuse?

Sorry but really confused. She doesn't want the relationship to end but he's looking to move out? What help does she need?

@Justcallmebebes the relationship is definitely over. He is still being abusive. It's complicated but she will be happier without him there. She's coming around to that idea but I need to know how I can help her when she's ready.