Ideas on how to empower this woman

[OunceOfFlounce]

Someone very close to me is 20 years into an abusive marriage. She lives in New York and I'm in the UK. We can talk over Whatsapp once in a while because she can delete the messages. I don't think she's allowed to answer my calls and I can't post anything to her, not even birthday or Christmas presents.

I'd really like to be able to get some money to her and even, in my wildest dreams, a phone.

Do you think the only way I could do this is visiting in person?

that’s so sad. i would go see her if it’s safe

This is so sad. This is now way to live. Please go and see her.

Could you send anything to someone else for her to collect when she can?

Does she want help op? Does she want to leave? Do you know anyone she knows there? Her employer? A neighbour?

If you can't physically get to her then you could send money via Western Union as long as you can WhatsApp her. Can she use a po box address to receive mail?

Can you contact a local to her support group/refuge and see if they can make contact with her?

I think a phone is a bad idea.

I'm single but if I found a secret phone from my fella I'd not be happy. If her partner found a secret phone she could be in danger

Thanks for your replies, I wasn't sure if anyone would respond.

Perhaps I should go and see her. I haven't been over in a while because of money and just...it's a lot to deal with. I think that in an attempt to isolate her, he will often say I'm being horrible to him so she will apologise, tell me she knows it's bullshit but could I just make a bigger fuss of him etc. Maybe I should go before a second wave of covid.

She's generally quite isolated there and now works from home so I can't reach out to a colleague or use a work address. I did think one good thing about this is that it might be easier to hide stuff like a phone, in the downstairs work area, but perhaps its too risky Lupin, thank you.

I'll look into western union, thanks. I have looked into arranging a po box from London but the website kept loading when I put her zipcode in. I'll look again.

And also, I never thought of contacting the support group myself.

Lots to go on, thanks everyone. It's nice not to have to just keep all this in my head.

Good look op, hope you can help her somehow

Thanks Lupins. I'm not sure she's ready to leave yet. She's mentioned it recently but I think just because lockdown really took a toll. I do hope I can find a way to make it seem like a possibility.

Is she able to get out and go places sometimes without him?
Are there children in the home?

She's a uk citizen and they do have children.

I don't know if someone can take kids abroad without their partner's consent but sometimes I do dream of that happening. (I hope to buy a house in 3-4 years and will never let him get the address).

I also think this would seem too drastic to her. She says they're the only reason she stays - to protect them from upheaval and a bitter divorce, because he might turn them against her...

Sorry, yes she can get out without him sometimes. She can take the kids to the park on weekends and I think she might have to do the shopping on her own and lug it all back on foot (he drives, she doesn't).