Where do I draw the line with effort?

[Wisenotboring]

I have always been a sociable person with plenty of friends and things going on socially. I was always very thankful for this. I don't need to be out or with people all the time, but I like to have a part of my life that is for me and not just being a mum, wife etc.

Over the past 18 months or so, it has become increasingly obvious that my social life is really dwindling. All around me people who i have enjoyed coffees and meals etc with just don't get in touch. It always seems to be making the arrangements and suggesting things. When I get something sorted, everyone seems to have a great time and really enthusiastic about catching up again....they just don't make any efforts to sort anything themselves!

I can see reasons why. Some of my friends have returned to the workplace after years out, others have busy jobs or difficult home situations. I just can't help feeling a bit hurt. I have had some difficult times over recent years and always found time for my friends, to socialise and also to reach out during hard times. It's getting to the stage where I feel quite lonely and am also probably developing a tendency to be a bit sensitive about it all. So what do I do? Do I need to hang in there, or do I need to see the writing on the wall and have higher expectations from my friends...?

I should say that I realise the problem could be me, but trying to be honestly reflective I think that I am generally a nice person to be around although I can see my faults and do try to be self aware about avoiding them.

Do they not get in touch or are you getting in touch before them? I'd happily see most froends just 2-3 times a year. So someone wanting to meet for coffee every two months would ask me before I'd ask them.

Having said that, throughout my life I have to make new friends to replace some that were apparantly past their season. Most friendships dwindle after a while. There are just a few that will be lifelong. That's okay. I just wish the best for them and remember the past times with fondness.

Generally I am the one that messages them. I have some friends where it is more reciprocal, bit others who just don't ever contact me. But the seem to really enjoy getting together and are very enthusiastic and often stay quite late which I take as a sign they are enjoying themselves. I know what you mean about letting some friendships peacefully move onto the past, but I find letting go very difficult for some reason. I tend to be very loyal in friendships and stick with people once I have invested. Maybe I need to become better at that. I guess I am also worried that if I let people go, I haven't really got anyone to replace them and I will become lonely.