I have posted before about my unhealthy relationship with my DS's father. I had some good advice for which I am really grateful. DS1 is now 20, DS2 15.
Some I couldn't/haven't done but have over the last year or so put into place. One was not facilitating his parenting any more - each time he rang, I got DS2 to speak to him. Bought him a phone and gave the number - doesn't use it. He still uses land line to call me but I would say - I'll put you on to him now ... That worked for a while.
Anyway, during lockdown and no school for DS2, father was ringing me, shouting at me about how we couldn't let him just drift. It was relentless tbh. Remembering the advice I had on mn, I made it quite clear that I was not going to be shouted at by him any more - I haven't been. I really have been trying to distance myself from his vitriol but it seems as though he's been let of the hook, so to speak.
He now doesn't ring at all, doesn't really do anything with DS2 (he does have a few issues and is adopted - think that's relevant in this) and in the last two/three weeks has seen him for 24 hrs, one day a week almost to the minute! Ds2 came back at 3 pm and I asked what he had been doing and he said nothing. Yesterday, he left at 3.10 pm. (Last week, he left 5 ish and was back the following day at 5.30 pm).
His family are different too which doesn't bother me particularly, but it feels like they put in the 'effort' when I was being 'good' and now that I've put these distances in place, they're not bothered about DS2.
I don't know whether I need to do anything or just let it go as it's taken almost 10 years to get this far but something seems off to me. As if my actions to create boundaries are having a detrimental effect on DS2.
I'm not sure if all this makes sense - it does to me obviously - it's difficult to say everything at once sometimes.
Am hoping some wise mners can give me some clarity.
Thank you