Q about rape

[Hiding101]

A long time ago I got in to a position where sex was going to happen but I was too scared to say no because I didn't know what his reaction would be and I was scared, scared of getting raped in fact . So I let the sex happen without saying no but it was a horrible experience. I still remember the music that was playing at the time and it makes me think of that horrible night. I feel like I have been raped on some level but I didn't say no..... It happened so long ago now and I don't dwell on it but I started thinking after reading another post I saw on here.
Has anyone else been in that situation where you can't say no out of fear?

Had he been threatening you or were you in an abusive relationship where you were coerced?

Coerced sex is rape as is forced sex. Some people freeze when they are in danger and that can be taken as a sign of consent but it's obviously not. Consent is freely given and it's obvious when someone is into what they are doing.

Consent can also be withdrawn at any time by either party. You can be halfway through the act and if the other person says stop, then that's it. Consent is withdrawn.

You might find .

You could contact Rape Crisis to discuss; they have a live chat line where you can talk anonymously about this and get advice and support.

I didn't know the guy, I met him one new year and went back to his flat. I was only 15 I think. Would have been nearly 16.

There is a very grey area around having sex with someone and then wishing you had said no in hindsight so I can't advise on that. BUT as you were under the age of consent at 15 yes that is rape! I hope you are ok OP!

What age was he? You can't consent to sex at 15 years of age for good reasons. Even if you were fully active and consenting this would be considered statutory rape. This was a traumatic and difficult thing that happened to you and I fully understand why you feel violated. I believe you were taken advantage of in a disturbing way. You should seek counselling in some form to help you with this.

You were young and inexperienced - I think he knew that and took advantage. This is the problem - you were scared to say no as you were probably frightened he'd lose his temper and then rape you anyway. You didn't want to 'make a fuss.' A 'lose-lose' situation.

Get counselling if it helps but then try to put it behind you. We all make mistakes when we're young so try not to let it impact on your future.

I feel like I have been raped on some level but I didn't say no

A lot of women who've been raped don't say no, it's very common- they freeze or flop. rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/looking-for-tools-to-help-you-cope/feelings/fight-or-flight-response

If you were too scared to say no, it's not consensual sex as consent requires the ability to say no.

If you were 15 it's rape anyway.

When I was 15 I was sexually molested by a 16 year old man. I mentioned this to my latest ex (I'm 43 now) and he said 'That doesn't count.' I should've gone on to describe it a little I suppose.
I cannot remember how I got into that boy's (a friend's brother's) room, and I certainly didn't intend for anything to happen at all that day. Some people might be sexually aware at 15 but I was not. I didn't think of saying no at all even though none of it was my intention. Maybe I felt a bit trapped as I was in his room/home and he was my friend's brother. Either way it's not something I was ready for. Neither was I attracted to him.

@NoemiaElara

There is a very grey area around having sex with someone and then wishing you had said no in hindsight so I can't advise on that. BUT as you were under the age of consent at 15 yes that is rape! I hope you are ok OP!

Erm... no. OP didn't wish she had said no "in hindsight", she was too scared to say no.

There is a big difference.

This might be a matter for the police.

What happened is you went into self preservation mode, a sort of damage control. You let it happen because you wanted some control over the situation, because you were afraid it would spiral into screaming, being pinned down, being punched, slapped, choked etc. In some ways it could be called a silent rape.

You did what you thought was best at that moment. X

Thanks for helping me make sense of it everyone.

It is in the past for me now and I'm leaving it there.

@SoulofanAggron sorry you have also had a bad experience.

Be kind to yourself @Hiding101

Seek help if you need, but also yes, leave it in the past if that helps you!

If you had sex you didn't want because you'd have been forced anyway, it's still rape. Consent is not valid unless freely given.