What would you make of this comment from 4yo DD?

[OhWhatAPalaver]

Dd2 was having a bit of an emotional day yesterday. Dp had told her off for plugging something in for me and switching it on. I let her do it normally if I'm watching her but dp happened to see and told her off for doing it. He said she shouldn't touch plugs etc. I explained that she knows what she's doing and was trying to be helpful and that I let her do it if I'm there watching her. She's never actually messed about with plugs and she's a bright girl

What was your DD’s comment?

This is a case of having different parenting expectations to your DP and I’d suggest talking about this when she’s not around.

I would'nt ask my 4 year old to plug an electrical item in for me so I can see why your DP told her off - he wasn't aware that you'd given her permission.

I think it’s just crossed wires, I would probably tell DS off if I caught him, thinking he was messing with plugs if I didn’t realise he was told to do it.

What did she say?

Were you there when she plugged in this thing to help you?

What did your do say?

Oops posted too soon.
Anyway so later on she fell and banged her head hard on the door, I immediately knew she'd really hurt herself but dp just sat there anddid nothing while I sorted out ice pack etc. I asked him later why he didn't react and he said he didn't realise it was that bad. (it was blindingly obvious to me that she'd banged her head really hard)
At bed time she got upset because dd1 is at her dad's house until Saturday and she misses her. Then a bit later she said "I don't want to have daddy anymore. I want him to go away and live in a different house because he's mean to me when I cry."
I asked her if she'd miss him and she just cried and said she misses her sister.
I've been thinking for a long time now if I'm doing the right thing by staying with dp for many different reasons but this has really stuck with me as it's come from Dd2.
Am I reading too much in to it or do you think I should be worried? Dp, for all his faults, absolutely adores her and is possibly a tad over protective of his only biological daughter. He can come across a bit too fierce when he's telling off, which isn't great obviously but normally he's really good with Dd2.
We have many other issues but Dd2 is basically the reason we are still together, hence her comment has made me question if I'm doing the right thing.

It's difficult to tell. She might well be picking up that you are not happy with his responses. I would say his harsh parenting style needs to change at the very least and you need to find out what he's like when he is on his own with them - can you ask your other daughter? He might be more shouty or more ignoring. This will erode their confidence. But ultimately he is their parent too.

Four year olds do say things like that. If it was just that one comment would say it didn't matter at all.

However, it's clear that it's not just that and that in fact none of this is about plugs at all. You aren't happy in your relationship. What are these faults he has?

What I've got from your posts is that he told her off for plugging something in, then couldn't give a fuck when she actually hurt herself.

You say she's the reason you stay, what are the reasons you're not happy and want to leave? Staying for "the children" is rarely a good idea.

I'm always wary when an OP says a dad adores his child or is a great father, as it tends to be the precurser to revelations of behaviour that adversely affects the child.

You shouldn’t put the responsibility for you staying in a poor relationship on your daughter .
That is not her cross to bear .
Regarding her comment - I wouldn’t read anything into it . Kids say all sorts of things and I’m sure if you were happy with your dp then you wouldn’t have picked up on that comment .

I agree, kids say all sorts of things, but you really need to consider if staying with DP is best for you.

Yeah, I think her comment seemed worse because I have my doubts about the relationship.
Strangely at the moment our relationship is not awful. Just stagnant and nothingy. It's what happened in the past that's the problem and the effects his previous behaviour has had on my feelings for him. I don't love him anymore. I'm not particularly attracted to him. He has previously behaved very badly towards me and dd1 and we almost split up around 2 years ago. I posted on here about it then and the general consensus was LTB. But he begged, pleaded, promised to change etc. Which is his defence he actually has done to some extent. He went to CBT and actually has attempted to change for the better. The root problem is still there though and probably always will be. I feel he doesn't respect women at all and he also likely has mild aspergers and genuinely doesn't realise that how he's behaving is sometimes inappropriate. He has been absolutely awful to live with previously and I think the worry of that behaviour returning hangs over my head. It's only happened once this year really and that was bad enough. He got annoyed about something and an argument ensued which resulted in him refusing to let me leave the house to take the girls to school. We were all late. He physically stood in my way and said he couldn't go to work with us being on bad terms because he'd be anxious all day.
It was all very stressful. Another thing that bothers me is that I feel like I'm just something to have sex with. A piece of meat. He only ever makes comments about how good my bum is or how I'm physically attractive. Everything is innuendo and it's frankly fucking boring and childish and I'm sick of it. He never makes genuine compliments but then I don't really compliment him either. I think I'm just sick of feeling like an object or trophy. Ugh. It's all such a mess. I think the comment from Dd2 has just brought everything back to the surface and made me question things again.

Wow, how must DD1 feel that you're still with the man who's behaved badly towards her. How has that shown her how to be in a relationship?

And now DD2 is picking up the awful vibes and is learning the same.

And as for him not allowing you all to leave the house! Whst are your daughters learning here, what are you teaching them?

Honestly, when my son (then aged 3) said "I don't like daddy - he's mean" it was one of the nails in the coffin of my 20 year marriage because it broke my heart and I knew that I was the one who could limit my son's exposure to such toxic behaviour.