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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner calling me fat etc

17 replies

HumptyD · 27/08/2020 22:45

Been with him 7 years, have one 3 year old child together, I have a previous 10 year old and he has an 11 year old daughter. It has been up and down for a while I feel he is bipolar and has massive issues needing to grow up, drugs when he goes out etc which he seems to have settled the last year. Lockdown was a nightmare spending all that time together that after a row we broke up. He moved to his dads house like he always does. His family all talking about him saying about his temper and his mood swings etc but everyone seems to lick his arse and never pull him on his behaviour. He is obsessed with the honeymoon stage and saying I have changed so much Over the years, it’s called growing up maybe you should try it. I have tried to match him sexually, I have tried to argue back, I have tried to not argue back, I do not know what this man wants in life. He came back asking for another chance saying we need to make more effort with each other which I do agree (we stopped kissing cuddling etc because who wants to cuddle a man who walks round moody and snappy all day?) I agreed and now I wish I hadn’t. It’s been 2 months and at first it was lovely and we went to Wales to visit family when lockdown was eased a little etc, anyway he is back to work now and I am working from home with 2 kids so for me it’s still very difficult and he gets to work away and think his life is great. Anyway he has started a row today over something so pathetic (we haven’t argued once since we decided to give it another go) and it just opened a flood of horrific messages at me, saying I’m lazy all I want to do is sleep (beczuse he wakes at 6am and I dared sleep till 8.30 when I’m alone with the kids all week every week) i have struggled with my weight since I had my youngest to be honest and I am carrying perhaps 1 stone more than I would ideally like but he brought this up and said I am lazy that I am the worst eater he has ever seen that my diet is horrific that I don’t do anything about it bla bla bla, just some really horrible stuff about a situation he knows I hate. Saying we are boring again and I am the woman he wanted to leave all over ago. Literally nothing has happened. I am sat baffled and I can’t speak to anyone because my friends have already had enough of him and I feel like I have nowhere to turn. He is so nasty when he’s angry and why is he angry?? He said he’s making all the effort and I’m making none which simply Proves he is a mental case if he believes that to be true. I feel like I am walking on egg shells, what the fuck am I doing?? He doesn’t seem to understand mind being tired and not having the energy to go to the gym etc also I have no childcare when he is away as my parents are key workers and have worked all through lockdown so who’s meant to have my children while I go to the gym?? I wish I had his life and he could have mine so he could see how it feels to be with someone who not only points out your problems but uses it as excuses not to be with you. He’s not giving me the cold shoulder messages me saying ‘Night’ like u have done something wrong because he’s woke up today and decided to start ww3 over nothing. Surely there has to be more to life than this

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 27/08/2020 22:51

Send him back to his dad and leave him there this time.

Lifeisabeach09 · 27/08/2020 22:59

Do not waste anymore of your life on this man. OP, it's hard initially but you will be so much happier not having this mindfucker in your head and space. It's a shame you can't cut him off completely but you have a child together so.

Whathewhatnow · 27/08/2020 22:59

He sounds absolutely vile. And abusive. Even his family think he is an angry twat. What's/what was his father/ grandfather like??? let me.guess ...

Your life will be so much better without him in it. Your mutual child is young enough to adapt really easily to only seeing this dropkkck EOW and wednesday teatime ;)

TwentyViginti · 27/08/2020 23:07

Send him back to his dads for once and for all.

Once your friends see you are serious this time, they'll rally round.

HumptyD · 27/08/2020 23:09

His dad played around cheated on his mum etc in regards to who asks that and had a bad temper but he is like a pussy cat now and they all talk about him amongst themself and even say to me you know what’s like etc but will never call him out on it. I am sick of being treated like a piece of shit for being a normal working mum, like yes I’m not going to be cracking jokes and smiling 24/7 and he calls me miserable etc but Nobody else on the planet would use that word to describe me. I’m embarrassed that this is happening again and I have 2 kids with 2 fathers and won’t be with any of them, I’m worried about the future and money and anyone else ever wanting me. I think he has took all my confidence and ripped it to shreds. He’s saying he’s not wasting anymore of HIS life trying and trying to make us work. He can’t we that the reason we don’t is him, not because I don’t eat the same foods as him or weigh 1 stone less. And even if I did, there would be something else. I just feel so deflated and so let down, I know he will be a shit and cruely move on and rub it in my face because as much as a twat he is he’s good looking and always got girls the years before me very easily and thrown at him. The thought makes me feel sick with jelousy which is absolutely pathetic isn’t it? I feel like I haven’t got the energy left in me to start all over again for a third time. My kids adore him even though they say he’s moody etc

OP posts:
Whathewhatnow · 27/08/2020 23:14

Kids dont generally adore moody guys OP. They will.say what you want to hear, coupled with a dose of familiarity breeds content.

I feel for you. Your post is all about what he wants and he deserves. What about you?? You sound great, and you dont actually needa man. You'll do fine on your own. Flowers

TwentyViginti · 27/08/2020 23:15

Look, he's doing this to bring you down so you think he's all you'll get. It's working, isn't it?

He's making you feel shit to big himself up. He may be good looking, but very few women would put up with him for long and he knows it.

Whathewhatnow · 27/08/2020 23:16

And you absolutely should not be embarrassed. Is he embarrassed? Is your ex/father of eldest,? Let me answer that for you... no, no they are not.

Go live your best life without this total pillock xx

Whathewhatnow · 27/08/2020 23:17

Ps his family all sound like apologists for shit males. That is on them. Sad for them.

dublingirl66 · 27/08/2020 23:17

It's classic abuse

Been there

Please get rid
ASAP
Ugh he is horrible

Lifeisabeach09 · 27/08/2020 23:20

You don't need to start over for a third time until you are ready. Just focus on you and the kids until you get your energy back. But, OP, this man is zapping your life and your energy massively. Don't waste it.

lostmyvibe · 27/08/2020 23:25

You sound like a strong sensible person and your posts have demonstrated that you're fully aware of what he is and why. Forgive yourself, there are times when we're each mislead or duped. Follow your instincts and do what's best for you and your children.

HumptyD · 27/08/2020 23:44

Thank you all, I guess I’m just mad at myself for letting him make me feel this way. Also makes me so angry he would literally rather live in his dads box room at the age of 35 rather than be a decent partner?! My house is my house so I don’t have to worry about that, any belongings (car etc) are mine. But he will give me as little money as he can get away with now so I will take a loss even with working tax credits (as I know what I would get when I had To claim before when we broke up) so it’s worrying. It was tight. I cut my hours when I had my youngest and was due to return full time when he started nursery (September) but now my work can’t stick to that due to financial issues with coronavirus. I just feel silly for doing it in the first place but then it was to benefit my son at the time but now I’m kicking myself. So now I’m thinking do I leave my job and find something new etc.. but my job has always been great with understanding I have to do school runs etc as neither dads are around to help me at all mon-fri. I think you would understand more how horrible he is if you could see me too, he’s making out I’m obese and I’m really not I’m just abit larger than I’m used to. It’s like he’s thriving off embarrasing me as if he’s a Greek god because he has the time and energy to go to the gym and likes healthy food but he didn’t care about his health when he was sticking coke up his nose for years. The irony of him lecturing me about my ‘life style’. I know I shouldn’t even be worrying about the future your all right, I think it’s just easy to do isn’t it and worry about him making out to people that we weren’t compatible because he’s mr.motivator and I’m mrs.blobby! Grin rather than he’s a nasty ungrateful sod that can’t accept after 7 years and 3 kids between us I’m not going to put him on a throne and feed him grapes and tell him he’s amazing 24/7!!

OP posts:
lostmyvibe · 15/09/2020 21:49

That's a shame you're unable to increase your hours. Perhaps you'd be able to find some part time hours elsewhere to top up your income. But that said, you need to look after yourself and enjoy time with your children etc. No easy task but I'm sure you'll find some way forward. But remember, you're worth every sacrifice you're making and don't need his criticism.

Boopthesnoot1 · 16/09/2020 05:15

I'd be telling him if he is going to be so unhappy and cranky then its maybe time for him to move out and go get a better life...then I'd offer to look for new places with him Grin, help him along.

Sunflower1970 · 20/09/2020 04:53

Time for him to move back to the box room permanently. He is nasty, negative mood Hoover. Money will be tight but you can live in peace. I’ve also got a stubborn stone to lose. There are lots of workouts you can do at home - Joe Wicks Etc. Work on your self esteem, walk with your kids and rebuild your confidence. Good luck xx

Cinders1234 · 03/11/2020 02:10

Sounds a lot like my recent ex, reading the replies for motivation! Hope you are all sorted now xx

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