Argh I don’t know what I’m doing with my life please tell me what you’d do with these options?

[Whattodoa]

I’m mid thirties, single, wishing I wasn’t and living in a place I’ve wanted to move from for the last year. I own the place and have done for five years, the house is nice but on the edge of a not so nice location outside birmgham...bought so I could hop on the train to work. The last few months I’ve really noticed how shit the area is (it’s not terrible but it’s not a place you want to stroll out of your house and go for a walk..it’s busy) and I have no ties to the area itself...just a tie to Birmingham centre for work where I go in when I please really. My work is computer based so I can do it anywhere.

I took the plunge and put my house on the market last week and now I’m panicking thinking what I am doing, I don’t even know where to go!! I feel like I’m unhappy here but have no real reason to go somewhere else which is quite depressing!

Options are:

1. Keep the house, rent it out and move to London and kick the career life even harder, get a better paid job (I’m on good pay already so not desperate for that). The London life seems exciting in some ways but I’m 36 next year and more than fancy restaurants and career opportunities, I much more want to settle down. I don’t fancy city life as I used to live in centre of Birmingham so have sort of done that, but London is an exception as it would be something different I guess.

1. Move to another outskirts of a city, but I would literally be upping sticks to Leeds, Manchester, Nottingham, places I don’t actually know anyone and starting from scratch.

1. Move further north to the midlands but in a town or village rather than a city. I have a few distant friends in Derbyshire as I grew up there, but again no firm ties except my small family who are elderly. I’d be within distance of a few cities so wouldn’t be out on a limb like in Liverpool and would have more areas to choose to work.

1. Disappear to the south to some remote area by the sea.

1. Stay where I am and don’t rock the boat just because I’m bored and being a bit bratty. I know a few people in Birmingham but they’re al through work and not firm friends. My friends are scattered all over the country.

Abroad does not appeal.

What would you do? I wish I was with a partner and there was a reason to be somewhere in particular!

I'm originally from Kings Norton and when I go back it's not somewhere I'd ever want to live again. I live in East London which I highly recommend. Nice friendly area, lots of greenery (Epping Forest) on the doorstep. A good mix of young, old and everything in-between. Lots going on and 25 mins into central London on the central line. Lots of opportunities to make new friends here.

I wouldn't recommend london for dating either.

What interests do you have as I would base a move around those and meet someone that way.

Music, gigs, arty vibe? walking, food, cooking?
Cycling?

I think you have posted about this before, a few times. If not then this advice doesn’t apply.

The issue isn’t the house or the location it is your feelings about the loss of your ex and your fears of being alone and not getting another partner. Please start to address these feelings. Because it’s isn’t healthy to not have the resilience to withstand a breakup and be on your own. The danger isn’t that you throw caution to the wind over where you live but that you do over your next boyfriend or partner.

Ignoring that advice and in answer to the question you asked, then this is not the time to move for you. There is no social life in cities at the moment and may not be for a long time. Job security and recruitment aren’t great and won’t be for a long time, in any sector and any place. Most city based jobs won’t offer a social life in hours or after hours. The same applies in towns and villages except friendships are more established there. Few people have capacity to expand a bubble.

I think moving close to friends and family if you enjoy the area and there are career opportunities make sense.

Also, what do you like to do in your spare time? Do you like being near the sea or mountains etc?

There isn't any socialising going on at the moment, so you only really speak to the people you go with.

Do you do online dating?

Bedfordshire! Lots of lovely villages and even Bedford itself is really nice. Easy train to London or pop to Milton Keynes for express to Birmingham. An hour to Cambridge, also a good option for jobs.