OK, i have thought long and hard about writing a post as i have struggled with this since our honeymoon 2 years ago. I will try keep it to the point. I am 50 and perimenopause for around 6mths, hypothyroid too. I work 40 hrs a week ,and earn £25k, with one 19 year old.
He was married before, 3 kids that he no longer sees, she had an affair and told him she was pregnant and it was his - he had had snip so could not have been his - this she knew but then said she made mistake. They had an abortion which he paid for, as soon as it was done she booted him out. Not seen kids since she poisioned them. He tried to see them but nope.
So we meet on a blind date, get married 3 yrs down the line and on the honeymoon we were on a cruise and met two 65 year old men at the bar. We both chatted to them and I made the mistake of putting my hand on one shoulder and telling this guy how nice he smelt. They were buddies and enjoying life. One of them told me I was a lovely attractive lady and my hubby was very lucky. It all seemed very innocent as i told them we were on our honeymoon. With that hubby took hold of my hand and marched me back to the room. We had never argued until this night. The argument lasted until it got light. He was very nasty and asked me had i taken their contact details so i could meet them secretly for sex whilst he was asleep. I couldnt believe what i was hearing. Talked it out and now we are past it. or at least i had hoped.
Since that event my hubby doesnt seem to trust me at all, he is VERY insecure, he always is asking me to kiss him, to touch him, basically that i should be all over him 24/7. He will constantly want reassurance from me. I we walk past each other in the home, he wants a kiss even if he just had one two minutes ago! He will count how many days we have missed sex and i get reminded. He has said what about his needs on many occasions and so i have told him to get on and have a go - he does! Makes me repulsed. I cannot stand his emotional blackmail for sex. I lost it with him and told him that i have had enough and he has to stop nagging me and making me feel guilty, i have many womens problems at the moment and that he should understand. He said its all in my head and that the hormones are just a scapegoat, he will say "oh yes sorry forgot its your hormones again i suppose". He did back off me for a while but will say that he is not going to come onto me anymore and that i have to approach him. Thing is i just dont want too at the moment cause i am having some issues down below. He thinks i am lying, i have even shown him that i am bleeding to prove that we cant have sex.
Aside from him being needy, he works a zero hrs contract at the same company for 9 years. They call him as and when. I never knew how much he earnt until a few months ago when he told me that he hasnt even paid tax this year as he hasnt earnt enough. In fact he laughed telling me that he earned £12k last year. I am stunned! He has always told me that he was on at least £30. I found some old P60's which tell me its more like £12-16k. He will relish the days that he lays in bed waving me off to work. I told him that i am so tired and with my health issues that i want to reduce my hours but he keeps telling me no. He said " why should he work full time so i dont have too?" I said that he has never worked full time in all the years (8) we have been together. I come home from work and he will be on the sofa or will make out that he has had a busy day, no dinner will be made only on the odd occasion. The other day i heard him say to a mate of his "oh its fine as my wife has a good well paid job she can afford it". He will keep telling me things to do to make more money. I trained and opened a home salon and will have clients most evenings (before covid) and so i worked loads. Now i have stopped this and he keeps nagging to open.
He is jealous of my 19 year old, who has just managed to get a job at my place on £19k a year. Hubby had a go at me and said that it should have been him not my son. He hates it if i go on days out with my son and says oh so you dont want to spend anytime with me then?
I am at my witts end. In march i told him that he had to do something else as i wanted a better quality of life for us ,not always counting MY money. He moved into my house within a few months. He gives me £550 a month to go towards the bills and mortgage. Never asks me if we are ok for money, never asks if the bills are managable, doesnt even see a bill! He knows that i have very wealthy parents too.
What shall i do? I love and care for him but its constantly in my mind all of the above. I resent the fact that he has said for a year he will find another job and is currently training to be an electrician (as i pushed him to get a career) but now he is dragging that saying that he wont be able to do exams and qualify until after xmas (bullshit) as the exams were released in July.
What are your thoughts?