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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Seriously thinking of giving up dating as I honestly don't think I can show my wobbly body to anyone!!

15 replies

CakesRus3 · 26/08/2020 17:03

I just can't seem to relax when it comes to intimacy. I have a fear of showing my body. Not just naked but in underwear and even a swimsuit too. I'm ok with the lights off but men want a little more spice and I just freeze. Couldn't possibly undress in the day light or let anyone see me in the shower.
I'm a mum to 3 dd's and a size 16. I have a very stretched (gruesome) tummy. My boobs are deflated. Even a bra can't fix them.
I know lack of confidence is a bit of a turn off to men. I just don't know how to overcome it. I have actually stopped dating people because I feel so boring. I know it's not just about sex. Even turning down fun dates as it involves swimsuits. I know this is silly. I am very much for body positivity. I just can't be myself.

OP posts:
seensome · 26/08/2020 17:23

Don't date until you feel more comfortable, just work on yourself for a bit, lose a bit of weight if that would help? Fake tan, always helps me feel more confident too as I'm very pale. Your a mum of 3 though so don't be hard on yourself and a man would expect you not to be perfect, anyhow if he fancies you enough, he won't care.

wobblywinelover · 26/08/2020 18:32

I feel the same OP, just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Luckily I can take or leave sex as i've had so much crap sex in the past, so I feel better about foregoing men forever. I know they are really picky about women and i'll never feel right about it. It saddens me a bit that i'll never have a partner again but it relieves me that the only person who will see my body again is me and I feel empowered by that. It's up to you though, do you want a relationship again? In which case i'm not sure I have the advice. All this look in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful stuff doesn't sit right with me. I'm sure other posters will come up with some great advice, best wishes OP!

category12 · 26/08/2020 18:50

What about getting a swim-dress or something fairly structured as swimsuits go, to help you feel more comfortable for those sorts of activities?

It's really sad to allow your body-worries stop you living life as you want to. Nobody but you cares really.

With regard to blokes, are they all god's gifts and the body-beautiful? If a guy likes you, some imperfections aren't going to bother him.

Perhaps take up some kind of exercise that makes you feel more in tune with your body and enjoy it for what it can do? Something that's fun to do, maybe not with the aim to radically change your body, but to learn to have fun physically.

RedIsWhereItsAt · 26/08/2020 18:54

What men consider beautiful and sexy and what women consider beautiful and sexy are very often two very different things.

If you are on reddit, look on the r/normal nudes sub. All sort of chubby, lumpy, skinny, bony etc etc etc bodies on there. All with men saying how gorgeous and sexy they look. (Men also post their nudes btw).

Look at the pictures, and read the comments. Are you really so very different from the size 16 women on there? I doubt it. It helped me enormously, I think it will also help you.

DianaT1969 · 26/08/2020 19:13

Have a game plan. Get a supportive chemise from Pour Moi and tell the guy you prefer to keep it on. He won't complain.
Do 5:2 and intermittent fasting for a few weeks. Do some toning exercises (I think vibration plates are brilliant for doing exercises on). In a few weeks you'll be ready!
Exfoliation, pedicure a little fake tan and you'll feel groomed.
As someone said earlier, different men like various body types. If he is dating you and keen a bit of wobble certainly isn't going to put him off.

Eesha · 26/08/2020 19:29

I find if I overthink too much, I get stressed about this stuff but actually my sexiest friend is a size 16/18 and has absolutely no trouble with men because of her attitude. You really need to take it till you make it. Eat healthily, do some exercise, take pride in yourself and you'll feel a lot happier. I'm a size 14/16 and get lots of hot men liking me/have dated a few and I keep my insecurities to myself. Most want someone fun and warm to have a great time with!

CakesRus3 · 26/08/2020 20:23

Thankyou for your messages. I think my anxieties have been so high over this period that I have lost interest in myself. I have been busy working and home schooling and so tired to think about exercise. I should really try to motivate myself, you're right, I will feel better. Thankyou for all the advice.

OP posts:
Echobelly · 26/08/2020 20:26

The way I look at it, a bloke knows roughly what he's getting when he sees you in clothes. When he sees you without clothes, he's going to be mainly thinking 'Yay! Naked woman!' and won't even see floppy tummy/stretch marks/cellulite (which isn't really a thing anyway). Just remember your body will excite a guy - it's one of the great things about being a woman that we look better naked than blokes Grin

Scorpiowoman80 · 27/08/2020 02:53

I’m a mum of three and before my kids I had always been a slim 10 now I’m a 12 (more pushing on a 14 😉) and I’ve recently decided to eat healthier and try to lose some weight! I’ve got some Gousto meals coming to help with portion control etc. PM me if you want some motivation!

Also, remember your body is amazing and any man would be lucky to see you naked! Treat yourself get your hair, nails and a nice tan (if your like me and a milk bottle) and I guarantee you’ll instantly feel better! A bit of self pampering never hurt anybody! X

CustardyCreams · 27/08/2020 03:35

A wobbly body is a passion-killer for some people who prefer a slim physique. That is their prerogative.

Do you only fancy slim guys? Maybe you should look for a guy with a body that is very overweight or obese. And if you fancy him, then logically you don’t need to feel self conscious about your own body.

BitOfFun · 27/08/2020 05:12

That is the most tone-deaf nonsense reply I've read here in a long time Grin.

Are you ready to back to school yet?

Willowmartha1 · 27/08/2020 07:58

Feel the same ! As per my recent post !! I've got a date Saturday and been asked to stay over dreading it to be honest, it's been a while and I feel wobbly and overweight. Blush

user1471538283 · 27/08/2020 08:20

Oh gosh I'm the same and always have been even when I was a size 10. But men really don't care and I think its women that are more focused on being perfect. Also I doubt the men you are dating are Brad Pitt so they wont be perfect either. One of my exs (although he didn't say it at the time) preferred me with a little more weight.

VivaMiltonKeynes · 27/08/2020 08:35

@Scorpiowoman80

I’m a mum of three and before my kids I had always been a slim 10 now I’m a 12 (more pushing on a 14 😉) and I’ve recently decided to eat healthier and try to lose some weight! I’ve got some Gousto meals coming to help with portion control etc. PM me if you want some motivation!

Also, remember your body is amazing and any man would be lucky to see you naked! Treat yourself get your hair, nails and a nice tan (if your like me and a milk bottle) and I guarantee you’ll instantly feel better! A bit of self pampering never hurt anybody! X

Yeah cos you will really understand what she is talking about Hmm
category12 · 27/08/2020 11:52

Unless the guys you're all dating are washboard-stomached Adonises, don't you think they'd have a fucking nerve to judge your bodies?! And if they do, good riddance to the feckers.

Blokes have their own body hang-ups too, you know, often the size of their dicks, but being too scrawny, having a beer-belly, moobs, too little hair or too much hair in the wrong places, etc etc, worrying about whether their erection will keep up as they had that wine or aren't as fit as they used to be or they're nervous.

We're all just messy, floppy, wibbly human beings with hang-ups and hang-downs. If you fancy someone and they want to go to bed with you, just go for it, and concentrate on the pleasure of it and the fun of it. Sure, turn the lights off, do it by candle-light, put on a teddy if it makes you feel more comfortable, but take a risk. If you're dreading it, don't do it, the excitement of getting it on with your guy ought to be stronger than your body issues.

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