He won't go out with friends unless I go out with mine.

[thelilachen]

This drives me nuts.

He never arranges a night out with his mates UNLESS I am going out with mine, he then announces he is also going out.

I've tried broaching why he does this and he just says it makes sense for him to go out when I do.

I would actually like the odd evening to myself at home and have told him this.

It sounds to me like he doesn't like being at home alone. Which is fine as he's not attempting to stop you from going out etc, but as a result it means that he doesn't understand that you do.

You know him best but before DC, it wasn't unusual if it had worked out that I hadn't had a night in a lone for a while that I could actually ask DH if he could arrange something. Quite often he'd just take himself off to see a movie or something. It worked. But, in our case, I'm more social than him and he also likes being at home alone so he was always getting evenings in alone while I had few as either I was out or he was at home.

Are you quite sure he is actually meeting up with his friends? This sort of feels as if there is a dialogue going on his head along the lines of 'keeping up with the Jones, must make it look as if I've got options too etc', if his arrangements always pop up just after you make yours. Does he never talk about X's stag do in September, or P's 35th in November?

I agree with a pp that it's being made into something more sinister. This reminds me of my DF...he doesn't like being home when my DM goes out.

He may not want to admit he feels lonely...as he doesn't want to be judged.

I'd tell him I was going out, leave and circle back after he has left. That way you get the house to yourself.

Very strange that he has to be out when you are out. Did he constantly pop back home as often as he does now before you became home based?

You can't really make him go out because you want to be in the house alone. Imagine it the other way around, I'd find it very odd if my partner tried to make me go out.

Is he always in your face at home, can you not read a book alone or whatever?

He's probably had an ex who was difficult about him going out. I would just tell him I would like you to go and do something on your own one night a week.

Maybe it's a combination of him being the organiser with his friends so that he can create a night out and him not wanting to admit feeling lonely.

Obviously if there's a stag do or something then he does go out alone and leaves me, but that sort of thing happens very rarely.

I have no idea how often he was indoors during the day when I was out at work compared to now.

It's just one of those situations that would feel perfectly fine if it happened occasionally but it's now happening every time I go out which is really not very often.

It just feels "unnatural" somehow.