Am I being unreasonable

[Welliesandwishes]

2 years ago DH and I went to marriage counselling as he was constantly watching porn and it was affecting our relationship, I felt unwanted and he didn't want sex. The councelling helped.
Over the last 2 years he has lied about various things (silly things) and been caught out which has damaged the trust.

I know masturbation is normal and healthy and I'm not expecting him not to do it I just have a don't ask don't tell policy and would rather he do it when I'm out so I don't have to know about it.
When he wanks he does it in to a sock and leaves it on the floor for me to clean up, I find this really disrespectful and weird! Why not just use tissue?!
Any way recently I have been finding socks on the floor again (used) and due to Corona I haven't been out the house much. When I asked him about it he admitted he does it in bed while I am asleep... Next to him!

I feel disgusted, I also feel its really disrespectful and our sex life has gone down the pan again... Now I know why!
I'm so fed up but after 2 years and marriage councelling he hasn't changed.
I don't know what to do, why should I have to clean up after him when he gets his kicks off porn and I'm left frustrated.

You are not being unreasonable. He doesn't want sex and wants next to you in bed and leaves his used sock for you to clean up - they are all wrong

Well, I know you're not being unreasonable, I know that you shouldn't have to clean up after him, but not sure what to advise other than that!
How long have you been married? What was your sex life like before, and was there anything that triggered the change that you can think of?

What does he say when you tell him you find this disrespectful? I definitely don’t think you are being unreasonable, I wouldn’t be picking up after him though! Does he have a really high sex drive perhaps? He should respect you and atleast do it when you are not around!

What a fucking creep! How disgusting!!

Erm...you don't have to clean up after him 🤷‍♀️

That is both grim and, I’m tempted to say, deliberate of him. He might as well knock one out in front of you. You don’t have to clean up after him, plus is he 16 or something? My libido would vanish very swiftly.

Holy fucking Moly! He wanks in bed... NEXT to you? 😱 Then he leaves his cum stained socks (why socks and not his own boxers?) On the floor.. for YOU to clean up? And then he won't shag you? Hell to the no, mo fo! You're going to have to try and shame the shameless. It may be a tough nut to crack though (no pun intended). Got a vibrator? Buzz that sucker right when he's in a deep and blissful sleep. Hang ALL cum stained articles on the line (make sure it's out there come rain or shine, we're going for optimal shame). And if he won't shag you... that's a difficult one. Follow steps one and two and see results first? Idk.

Gross. What would happen if you didn’t pick up the socks? (Can’t believe you btw.)

Can’t believe you do, I mean.

I noticed our sex life had slumped a bit recently so I had been making an extra effort, paying him more attention, trying to spice things up a bit thinking it might help... It always appears I am the one with the higher sex drive but really it looks like he would just prefer to use porn 😔
We have been married over 7 years

Gross. Even a teenager would hide the socks.
So disrespectful.
If this is real you need to decide where you draw the line. Personally I would be moving on.

That's fucking gross. I'd put the socks back in his sock drawer.

Ugh, dirty sod, He's acting like a 13yo who has just discovered his penis.

To masturbate next to you while you're sleeping - is he watching porn on his phone at the same time? - is grossly disrespectful and insulting.

Tell him to wank in private and clean up his own mess. He's not a child.

Yeah watching porn in bed while I slept next to him, makes me feel disgusting

Yuck. Does he even like you OP?

Does he work? Send it recorded delivery to his office.
Yabu to even touch it..
Tbh I would not want to touch his penis never mind his wank sock with his behaviour..

I have asked him to sleep on the sofa and he is acting all sorry for himself, I just don't know where to go from here. I feel disgusted with him and like he has totally disrespected me. How can we fix it, I don't even want to share a bed with him

I'm really not sure it is fixable - he shows you so little respect, he has no cares for how you are feeling. Realistically I can't see him changing as he clearly doesn't see a need to change.
7 years is hard to throw away, but do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life? Better to get out now, before you lose all self respect than to still be unhappy in 10 years, and wishing you could turn back the clock. To me his behaviour is controlling, demeaning and insulting.
Good luck x

You can't fix it. He is fucking vile. So far beyond any standards of normal behaviour and respect that I can hardly believe it.

Finish it today and get him the fuck out of your house and your life asap. Do whatever you have to do to make this happen.

The bit about doing it in bed while you are asleep? I almost threw up.

EW!

You are not being unreasonable.

I have a houseful of teenage boys and they all know that dirty laundry goes in the basket.

As for doing it next to you and leaving the evidence for you to find... Is he being pass-agg and wants you to know and be hurt? or is it that he just doesn't care about your feelings? Hasn't given them a thought?

Either way he's a git.

Wanking next to me would bother me a lot less than this disrespectful leaving socks for you to find. Maybe pick them up with doggy poo bags and throw them in the bin / carefully place them in his briefcase, toolkit or jacket pocket so he gets all the fun of discovering them too.

Thank you for all your replies.
We have children together and at the moment I don't feel strong enough to leave. I have told him it's unacceptable and disgusting behaviour... He already knows this as we have been through marriage counselling. I have told him he needs to make a change and I need to see he is going to change.
I have decided to see a therapist for myself. His behaviour has caused emotional problems for me and I am going to work on myself and building my own strength. If he doesn't change I need to be clear in my own head and strong enough to walk away. It's been an emotional day but I am feeling stronger and confident in knowing it isn't normal and I'm not over reacting. Thank you for all your support