DH is just too perfect!!! Driving me mad!!!!!!!!!!!!

[crumblingfast]

I have name changed for this, and I am not sure what kind of reaction I am going to get!

DH works hard, has a fairly reasonably paid job(we want for nothing, but we are not rolling in it either!)

Trouble is DH is a perfectionist, and I mean a perfectionist!!! This had lead to many an arguement over the yrs,(we have been together over 20 yrs!) If he starts a job, ie, the washing, he gets all huffy with me if I take the clothes out of the washing machine to hang up. trouble is saying that, if I put washing in the machine then he will not take it out(as he has not started the job!)
He strops with DC, until(which I hasten to add) I have strops with DC and then all of a sudden he is very pleasant to them! Luckily for DC I do not have strops with them that often!
He is very arrogant, his mother says he is very much like his Father was!(that ended in divorce).
I have a medical problem at the moment, its quite upsetting, yesterday had massive row about it, as I feel he does just not care about it, infact he said what good would any sympathy do if I gave it to you! ( he even admitted it!)

I guess after 20yrs, I am beginning to wonder if you can love someone and hate them at the same time!

I look at my house (which I love), my children (in which I adore) my little job that I have. I also heve the fear of sickness living over me everyday! Which stops me from doing things that yrs ago, I wouldnt have had a second thought!

Crumbs I am rambling now, so much to say, just dont know how to say it!

I think any relationships have these phases. It's bloomin tough being with someone and being 100% contented for 20 years! You have a lot on your mind and a chap who sounds fantastically unsympathetic. Do you think your worry about the future and your health is making you question the present or is it deeper than that??

It is probably on how I am feeling at the mo! Most days and have done so for many a year just put up with him, because after all that is him, I guess him being honest about the sympathy thing (although I have to add, I do not care for the couchy coo behaviour) just how have you been today, or a phone call during the day!

Also he always has a thing with money, and just recently it has got so much worse - he comments on everything I buy, quering whether it is necessary! He even notices if I buy new hairbands for DD!

Oo-er! Dh and i go through phases that sound like this. Granted we haven't clocked up 20 years yet but i hope we will. Sounds bloomin' annoying! No suggestions, just wanted to sympathize!

Cheers GBS, think I need it tonight! Trouble is when he is at his most annoyance. Deep down I know I absolulely adore him! bloody men You either love them or hate them!LOL

I don't think asking how you've been today is too much to expect for goodness sake! Do you have anyone you can confide in? Sounds like you may need to vent at someone?
Or, could you have a heart to heart with dh??? Sounds like that might be tricky as he might not do hearty stuff???!

Unfortunately DH thinks I over react (yes sometimes I do, but not all the time) plus I will admit once I have calmed down, but over this medical prob I have, I have not over reacted at all!

On the positive note, DH can be a really lovely Dad to his DC, and will encourage the DC to have friends around, will happily take all DC + friends out etc ( my dear father had a fit if we played in the garden with our friends, so this to me is very alien!) But then on another hand he snaps very easil, leaving me and DC not knowing what to do next!

it sounds like he is stuck in his ways and takes you all for granted a bit, but very mean to not give out sympathy and concern for you when its needed

love and hate can be very close run thing sometimes too i find

i too have been with dh nearly 18 years and it still takes alot of work and will always i guess but ..if you dont feel like part of a team then it is mighty lonely place..

the household stuff just sounds like sheer pettiness, you are a team, it should matter that the job is done, not that one person completed all stages of it..

can you sit him down and tell him these 'small' things cast a big shadow over everything else and its the day to day crap that can really grind a gal down

hope you can talk and sort stuff out..

Have tried on numerous occassions about the household duties1 He just wont listen - as far as he is concerned he started x job so he will finish it and vice versa!

Oh and yes he is VERY stuck in his ways ( I think he secretly knows this, as the other day he was asking what hobby he could do?) DD thought that he could play bowles! (that did make me chuckle as everyone we know that play bowles are at least 50 plus! - perhaps DD thinks that is how old he is!!!! LOL

bet you did chuckle, not nice to have old man's past time suggested for your hobby

would it be better to concentrate on the personal support esp considering your medical problem..its a chance to read the riot act in a calm collected way and say that a relationship is exactly that..
he is not relating to your needs nor providing comfort and kindness when you need it most and the point of giving sympathy is to say 'you are not alone'

sometimes they need the obvious esp emotional stuff spelt out clearly imho

btw i went through very upsetting time lately (bereavement) and was crying sobbing myself to sleep, dh dozing on sofa, coming to bed late...there was no comfort, care or concern...on reading the ol riot act, i found out he had been for doctor's tests, and didnt want to worry me, he thought he had cancer for a month but didnt want to say as i had enough on plate)

point of this ramble is that if i hadnt said he would not of explained and i was on verge of telling him this is IT...etc