Long story short, exBF and I were together for 3.5 years. We got a dog together at around 3 years and then split up about 6 months later. This was 18 months ago. The split was because he cheated and generally treated me like crap. He is also very manipulative.
ExBF adores the dog and so we have been sharing custody of him, with ex walking him once or twice a week. I pay for everything and the dog is all in my name. Ex can't have the dog full time due to his job whereas I work from home and have an outdoors lifestyle which suits the dog best. The dog has been living with me alone for 18 months.
I'm now been seeing someone new for about 5 months, it's going really well, I really like him and think that we have a future together. However, he hates that I am still in contact with my (what he calls toxic) ex. He wants me to cut all ties with him and stop him seeing the dog.
He has been reasonable in his approach with this, saying he has boundaries and that this situation isn't making him happy so if I want to keep the ex seeing the dog, he will step away from the relationship. He has not demanded anything, just laid down what he is/isn't comfortable with, so I don't feel this is controlling behaviour in any way.
He has been very supportive so far but exBF has done several things which has made new BF very uncomfortable. One being about a month in and exBF called me 57 times in one evening and then sent me a string of abusive messages calling me every name under the sun for being with someone new. He then grovelled an apology the next day. So, understandably, new BF doesn't think much of him.
Now I would be perfectly happy to never see my ex again. The only person the current arrangement is benefiting is my ex. But I know that if I tell him he can never see the dog again he will be devastated. He will also likely become very nasty and threatening. Current BF has said he will support me 100% if this happens.
Would I be a horrible person to tell my ex he can't see the dog again and that I want to cut ties? Knowing that this would absolutely devastate him? At the same time, I care more about the feelings of my current BF.
Any thoughts welcome