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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I turn my brain off!!!

1 reply

clueless83 · 25/08/2020 11:28

Hi all,

So how do you all deal with an over active brain trying to sabotage a relationship??

My daughters dad cheated throughout our 6yr relationship with lots of women, including prostitutes. Only found this out once we split, ignored all the obvious signs because I didn't want to believe anyone could do that.

Anyway... 6 years later I'm in a relationship with a lovely man. We met 10 days before lockdown and we have a great relationship. I spend all week at his and then he has his son on weekends. Feels so natural when I'm with him and it just feels right. He is kind to me and loving and tells me how good we feel together.
But my brain is constantly telling me he's cheating. If he's on WhatsApp but isn't messaging me my brain says "he must be talking to other women" if he's on Facebook then my brain tells me "he's looking at other women, why would he want you". If I see he's messaging someone then my brain automatically tells me he's chatting with a girl. He is in the army and works with a lot of younger girls which doesn't help! There's one particular girl who constantly likes all his Instagram posts and I'm certain she's trying it on with him, and it stresses me every time I see her name pop up!!!

How do I stop this, I've accused him of messaging girls so many times and because he knows my history he used to laugh it off but now it's starting to annoy him (which I can completely understand). I don't want to lose him but I'm going to if this keeps happening. I tell myself all the signs are good and he doesn't have a chance to cheat, but it doesn't stop me feeling anxious.

OP posts:
category12 · 25/08/2020 12:15

Counselling or CBT?

You need to stop acting on your hot-button thoughts by accusing him and policing him online etc. If he's going to cheat, he will, whatever you do, so you need to stop those behaviours. You need to sit with your anxious feelings and let them go, rather than taking them out on him.

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