Don't want sex much during pregnancy DH takes it the wrong way

[OnlyHereForThePie]

AIBU?!

My sex drive has just plummeted during this pregnancy. I just can't be arsed frankly, I'm tired, I had terrible sickness all day up until a week or two ago, I feel fat and horrible and I just don't really want to do it right now.

DH keeps saying it's because I 'got what I wanted' (as in a baby) and now I don't want him anymore

I admit I had a really high sex drive prior to pregnancy so I understand it's strange to go from a lot to barely any and I'm sure I'll want sex again at some point (we still do it now at least once a week anyway!).

I'm finding it really annoying that he can't understand that the way I'm feeling RN due to pregnancy might mean I don't want sex as often as before and that it's nothing to do with the fact that now I've got a baby I don't need to have sex.

Tell him that him being a whiny man child isn’t exactly turning you on.

In all seriousness, TTC can be exhausting mentally and turn sex into a chore - if he’s not usually a massive bellend it may be that he’s struggling with that and the sudden switch compounds the feeling of sex as just being a means to an end; and it could mean some work to put into the relationship to get that intimacy and closeness again (note: I’m not necessarily saying sex, more general closeness, spending time together, quick hug or kiss of squeezing his hand as you pass etc. Also he has just as much responsibility for this as you do!)

If you google “low sex drive in pregnancy” there are lots of good resources you could get him to read to understand it’s a well known thing.

Unless he’s a twat, in which case refer to my first sentence

Do you really have what you want? I don't know why you'd stay married to him when he has such a bad attitude towards you

DH keeps saying it's because I 'got what I wanted' (as in a baby) and now I don't want him anymore

I'm surprised he still has testicles having said something like that, they should be removed and stuffed into his arsehole.

Well he’s lovely isn’t he

I don’t think we had sex for months when I had dc from around mid pregnancy to 8 weeks after (sooner with ds2 as was c section)
Not a negative word was said by my husband .......Once

Your husband needs to sort his attitude out

Nip this in the bud now, the last thing you need us two whinny baby's competing for your attention.

He needs to get used to it, disrupted sleep is going to curtail sexytime for the quite a while.

Er, how is he going to cope when baby is here and sex will be off for a while???

I'm guessing you planned the baby.
I don't understand why men expect things to stay the same when you have a family together. Of course it wont stay the same and you adjust together as a couple, not him acting like it's been a big shock to him and his sex drive. He put the baby in you, so he is part of that decision, he has to expect some changes!

Thanks for the replies!

I may be drip feeding some here but we did struggle to conceive for a long time so I did become a little 'obsessed' at one point and he used to say things like he worried I only wanted sex at the time so I could get pregnant which I didn't feel but perhaps subconsciously it was part of it? I don't know.

He isn't a dick, not usually and he doesn't say it in a horrible argumentative way. He says it more like a joke but I can tell he's being serious too if you see what I mean?

It's a concern that your partner isn't bothered that you don't feel well, that you've been nauseas and just feel awful. Has he done anything to make things easier? Carry more of the load, massage your feet, run you a bath etc Trying to nag you into sex when you feel like crap doesn't bode well for the rest of your relationship OP.

He isn't actually joking though. He thinks he's entitled to sex on demand and you're not providing it

If you felt sick until recently then how are you supposed to feel like sex? Ask your husband if he's ever felt like sex when he's had a stomach bug.

I actually loved sex during pregnancy because all that extra blood flowing made everything more sensitive. But I had no sickness.

After your update then I’d definitely suggest finding some good articles to do with reduced libido in pregnancy, and use that to start a conversation about how to keep your intimacy in different ways - and how sometimes he needs to understand that part of being a supportive partner and parent is to be understanding about this sort of thing. As PP have pointed out, you are likely to be knackered once baby is here too so tackling it now is the best thing - and make it clear to him that passive aggressive “joking” really isn’t the way to tackle serious conversations.

I agree that you need to have an honest and open conversation about this as you're aware the 'joke' is really a disguised dig.

As PP's have said, show him the literature concerning sex drive and pregnancy as well as spell out to him that you don't feel up to sex while feeling sick and exhausted. Maybe even get him to lug around a bag of potatoes tied to his waist for a whole weekend to give him an idea of what you're going through.

Also reassure him that you do still love and fancy him, and that this is a journey for BOTH of you. It will take understanding and support from both of you to succeed at being good parents.

I can see where he'd get it from if you were all over him when trying to conceive and then suddenly not interested.

I think he was trying to tell you how he feels, not be a prick.

He sounds jealous of the baby and it hasn't arrived yet. Be careful. What will he be like when baby is here? Talk to him.

He needs to grow up and also needs to see that your current low sex drive is not a rejection. Hormones influence women differently and he doesn't seem to know that. Some women get very horny, other don't. He needs to accept less sex really quickly because once the baby's born, it might take you long time to feel the way you used to.

See if he will accept a reasonable conversation using the points that people have brought up here. If not, then sorry - he's a dick. It just took you till now to find out.

I’ve had 3 babies, with each one I’ve not wanted sex during pregnancy. My OH has never made me feel like that, and I wouldn’t expect him too either. Growing a life inside you is tiring and your hormones are all over the place. Also you could (nicely of course🤷🏼‍♀️) remind him that you were trying for a baby (hence all the sex) now you’ve got that of course you want a damn break!