To tell my best friend I like them

[crazycatladi]

So over the last couple of months I have realised I like my best friend more than a friend, he has helped me through the roughest of times and visa versa. We hang out a lot and never argue, we get on great!

But do I tell him that now I like him more than a friend? Do I take the risk or keep silent and pray this feeling passes quickly? We have shared a night in the past together and have always acted like nothing happened no awkwardness etc

I've read a lot of mixed things online and just wonder if anybody has any advice or stories they wish to share?

I’ve been the friend. Please don’t go there. If there was a mutual feeling you wouldn’t be asking others about it.

Can I ask what happened? Did it ruin your friendship?

I think it depends exactly what you are looking for. I’ve had sex with a number of friends. I have needs and the trust was there. The situations did not evolve into a full relationship in the real sense. But neither did it cause awkwardness.

I agree but if I'm being honest with myself I can see a future with them more than friends, but I don't know if I dare say anything as I don't want to lose the friendship 🤦🏻‍♀️

Personally I think life is too short and would have to say something, if your friendship is that strong then it'll survive. You said you shared a night together before, how did that come about?

We was all at a friends, alcohol as involved.. we nearly always share a sofa/bed due to other couples etc and it just happened when everybody else had gone to sleep, woke up next morning like nothing had happened x

OP I think you've had a namechange fail.

It really depends on your relationship with your best friend. My best (male) friend and I have known each other since I was 19. We had a brief period when I was mid-20's where we were both going through a rough patch and we'd get drunk and have sex. It almost destroyed our friendship.

Thankfully we got over it and our later spouses were never aware we'd ever crossed that particular line. In fairness though we were never really interested in a relationship with each other, but sex getting in the way did put a lot of strain on the friendship.

That said, all of my LTRs started out as friendships first. I'm a firm believer that a basis of friendship makes for the strongest relationships.

Do you think your friend is up for it?? Have they given you any signs that they are looking for a relationship with you??

Dangerous territory op, if you dont want to lose them. If they have always been keen but you have been the one holding back then that is different and... go for it!

It's a tricky one: we became friends 3 years ago and I was in a relationship at the time, when we broke up he hinted he's had a thing for me before but my head wasn't in a good place so didn't act on it, 9 months down the line we are closer than ever, he's just got over a break up so I don't want to fog his mind right now as it's not fair... but it doesn't stop me thinking.

We do a lot together and have many plans together including outings/ holidays (once COVID is over). He's my plus to one to things next year etc. All our friends say we'd be great together but truth be told I'd rather have him as my best friend then risk ruin an amazing friendship.. I think?

DP was my best friend for a few years before we got together. I'd say go for it, lifes to short to wonder what if?

I don't think there's a huge risk to the friendship if you're casual about the conversation, don't be all "I love you let's be together", more like "have you ever wondered how we'd work as a couple?".

So he liked you, you slept together, then made nothing out of it? It's a huge thing to sweep under the carpet. And you went on holidays together but it never happened again? I would say that there isn't much sexual chemistry between you, otherwise one of you would have made a move by now.

I am all for telling people how you feel, and for taking risks. If nothing has been said and done, I would have told you to have a talk with him, but in this case I think he is actually either going to tell you he doesn't feel the same way, or he would string you along for a while. And to be honest you don't seem that much into him if as you say you prefer to keep him as your best friend.

As a general piece advice, though, diversify your friendships. Things may get weird once he has a partner.

Sorry that probably isn't the easiest to read,. We haven't been on holiday yet but are due to if COVID allows!

It's not that I'd prefer him as a friend forever I'm just scared of losing him altogether.. what we have already is amazing and what we could have could be incredible if you get me?

I'm not the best at showing my feelings to people which doesn't help in this situation, I wish I just had the balls to say something

I think the fact you've already had sex and nothing came of it but the friendship remained is maybe indicative that it's nothing more than that.

I married my best mate.... We'd been best friends since school, only got together in our mid-30s though. I threw caution to the wind in the end and spoke up, but it was at the risk of it all going very wrong.

Whose idea was it to go on holiday? What are the sleeping arrangements?

Are you sexually attracted to him at all? Or more emotionally attached? Does he tell you about the women he dates? Do you date people and tell him about it? Does he react in any way?

Are you both quite young?

It was a joint idea to go on holiday.. both wanted a break and decided to book somewhere together.. sleeping wise we'll be sharing a room

Yes we are both around late 20s, I'm attracted to him emotionally and physically, even more so over the last month or so

We tell each other about dates etc and have said in the past as long as your happy kinda thing but as soon as it goes wrong we are backing each other up and telling one another how we deserve better and constantly updating the other moaning (a bit like women do but no he's not gay)

From personal experience unless you are 100% he will reciprocate then don’t do it. I made the mistake of telling him. Didn’t go as planned. I can’t face the friendship even though he wants to continue to stay friends. Maybe one day I maybe able to get back to that level but it is too painful at the moment. Been nearly 2 months now and I can’t get past it. Worst heartbreak ever.

I did this. Also didnt go as planned. A few years later we are back to being best mates again.

Also everyone looks for different things in a partner. At the time I thought it would be perfect because we have always been there for each other etc. But to be honest I think everyone deserves more than that, a real spark. His current gf is madly in love with him and I never felt that way. Thankfully we are friends again like we were before and I've since had romances with people that set me alight and I can confide in too.

What do you think has caused the change recently?