At a crossroad and need to make a decision.

[QuietHouseToday]

You're in a relationship.

You like each other, company is easy, sex is good, fit in well with each others lives.

If there's no love after a year, its never going to happen, is it?

Feel I'm at a crossroads and I need to make a decision.

So many things are right but without love, what is the point?

I don't want to be in a relationship where there is no love. He says we both still need time and the lockdown etc has meant the relationship hasn't progressed the way it might have done otherwise.

But surely, after a year, you'd know?

Yes by a year in there would at least be some feelings. Is it him or you that isn't feeling it?

Is it him or you that isn't feeling it?

Both I think.

He had a very difficult relationship that ended a few years ago. It went on for many years longer than it should. He really wants to avoid finding himself in a similar position again and I can understand that. He wants to he certain. But that's about commitment and not feelings to me.

I have my own 'baggage' and am wary of 'falling love' because I also want to be sure past mistakes arent repeated.

I could fall in love with him if I let myself but I haven't and I feel he is resistant to it.

I'm answering my own question here really...

Tbh, I think that longer this and time goes on, I'm beginning to think that I'd rather be on my own forever.

I have just had this crossroad. I have been with my partner for a year and nothing has been said as I didn't know how I felt basically. Covid did have an effect on us as we lived apart as he lives a fair amount away. I decided once hotels were open I would book us away for a night. We needed to be away from covid and the stress of a threatened redundancy around. It was what we needed. Over the last few weeks we have re connected again. I have told him I love him. He has not said it back (he is in his 60s and quite verbally emotionally closed off) but he has transformed his affection 10 fold. We just cant be away from each other and want to be next to each other, always holding hands and being close. I don't care if he hasn't said it back as his actions are now speaking much louder than words and think this is because he feels safe because I love him and told him. Its made a huge difference to us.
Both of us are in the older bracket and bring a lifetime of issues and baggage but I was brave enough to tell him how I felt and he didn't run, he embraced it.

If you havent really seen someone during Covid you can’t really count the Covid months.
So a year minus five months of Covid gives you 7 months.

If you had been in a relationship for 7 months you’d still be in the honeymoon period, loved up and happy.

If you aren’t feeling it or he isn’t feeling it then you have to stop holding back and go for it?

Or perhaps Covid or a previous broken heart has stressed you/him out and you’re needing to chill?

Perhaps it’s convenient companionship but not love?

Who knows. Talk and see if you can decide what to do. Don’t ‘settle’

litterbird

Aw that's lovely. So pleased it worked out for you.

Presumably, if he is verbally emotionally closed off, what made you decide to tell him?

Was it because you were at the crossroads and just the time to make a decision as to whether it continued or not?

Elieza

We didn't see each other for the first few weeks and then met up for walks in the park when we could. Then we bubbled.

We spend at least part of most weekends together - used to be just one night but now it's often 2 every other weekend and one the next. We usually see each other once in the week too.

Perhaps it’s convenient companionship but not love?

Yes, I'm beginning to think it's this. That's really not that's i want though.

I really don't want company from someone because it's easy or whatever, I want a relationship.

I get included as his 'other half' in plans and arrangements. I've met his friends and he's met mine; he refers to us as a couple etc but, without love, I feel I'm just playing a part.

We had a bit of a chat about it recently and I told him that I wanted a proper relationship and love and not companionship. That's when he said that he felt covid had mucked up the timeline a bit.

He is a decent and honest person who doesn't like to mislead people so I'd like to think that he'd be straight with me about this but we can all act in our own best interests at times.

@QuietHouseToday, yes I was at a crossroad myself as to whether to move this relationship on or ditch it as I was not getting the fulfilment I was looking for. I needed to spend time with him to figure out if I had the feelings I needed to make it a long term relationship. I knew my partner had had some very difficult relationships in the past and has been open to telling me the affect these times had on him and he has been devastated by some womens actions. However, this was about me and my feelings and if I was going to follow this. When I decided to tell him I told him knowing that a) he may bolt hearing this b) not say it back or c) cause such an awkward atmosphere it would call a halt to everything. Listen to what your partner has said....he recognises that covid has had an effect on you two in his eyes. It sounds like he just needs time to find out how he really feels. Give him that time. At least he is not plainly saying he isn't in love with you and wont ever. He is being mindful and taking his time. No one knows the outcome but it will give you time to figure out how you feel too.

I think this relationship is dead in the water, honestly. I would be moving on.

How do you know there is no love? Is it just because it hasn't been said or do you not feel loved? It took my boyfriend 16 months to tell me he loved me because he is just not the kind of person to talk about feelings, but I always felt loved when I was with him because of the things he did and way he treated me.

I don't feel loved, no.

You'd definitely know by now. This is meant to be the honeymoon period.