I am miserable. I don't appreciate what I have in my life. I dream of packing up and disappearing.
The daily druggery is becoming a grind.
I am the breadwinner and my job doesn't make me happy. But at least I have a job and secure employment.
I longed for kids but right now they are driving me up the wall. They can't seem to behave & are taking some of the fun out of stuff.
I have lost respect for my husband. On the whole he is a good man. He has let himself go and would be really shite but I called him out on it a few years ago and he does make alot more effort. But I am not sure if I have passed the point. We don't sleep in the same bed. He is no comfort for emotional support. If we didn't have kids I wouldn't hesitate to leave and be on my own.
He organised a party for me last week (birthday). Honestly it was crap. And I put my brave face on but I didn't enjoy it. I made sure I said thank you but he asked did you enjoy it & I kind of shrugged my shoulders. I know I hurt his feelings but really I can't be arsed to fake it anymore.
My immediate family are meh. My dad is abroad and is zero help.
On paper I have it all. But deep down I don't enjoy it. I don't deserve it. I feel a bit self indulgent as we are safe and secure.