very very very grumpy and fed up with DH, will it ever end

[bubbleandsqueak]

I have been reading some of the threads on here and feel secure enough for a rant!

DH has been working flat out since July, leaving me to look after 2 dc on my own in a different country. Most weekends, although not all(god that gets me) he returns to us here, however on his return he is generally so tired with the commute and 12 hour days that he can barely talk to us all weekend, he tries to catch up on his sleep before leaving again on Monday morning. I feel like a single parent without any of the benifits! ie having child free weekends/holidays and evenings out without children.

I think the hardest part is the loneliness and the lack of sex life as he's too tired most of the time. During the week he does telephone us but generally I can hear him working in the background. Am I over reacting or do all DHs who work hard act like this? I feel we the family are last on his list of priorities and I'm not sure I am cut out to be a part time wife.

I would appreciate your comments please as I'm sure I am not the only one in this position? and I desperately need reassurance that he is normal.

Have you told him all this?
My dp has been working away a lot lately and I know how you feel. I usually let him crash out when he comes home on the condition that he makes an effort to do something with me and the kids the day after.
Of course men get so much more tired than us and need a lot of sleep

I have told him and it seems to be falling on deaf ears. Says hes really enjoying his job at the moment, I think that his company are taking the p**s. My big concern is that he has also changed his personality as he is now used to giving orders and having people do as he asks, he is much more intolerant of me and the kids.

The project he is working on is coming to an end the 1st week of November so our lives should revert to normal, or thats the theory! I don't think I can live with him if he remains bossy.

is this temporary? if not could you move to the country that he's working in?

It's one thing to work hard for your gfamily, but if you end up too tired to really 'be with' them then perhaps you need to rethink his job?

i dont think this sounds great tbh - if it is due to end nov 1 then fine but i think you should talk to him about it and find ways to avoid this in the future

did he want children? he must be missing family life too? is he in a position to look for other roles or jobs?

if you think he could find other jobs (even if less well paid) then maybe it is worth down-sizing or making life less complicated some how?

i was just thinking about a lovely friend of mine whose clever husband worked loads of hours didnt see the kids in the week and she was very understanding about it but they are now divorcing because he basically didnt want to be with them that much - he found young children knackering and stressful - and was going out after work although saying he was working late - she also thinks he met someone else

i dearly hope this isnt anything like your situation but i do think that you have to get what you want out of a relationship too and he should be listening at the very least

sorry if that sounds bleak

Have jsut seen that you are in France. Whereabouts are you? Is your dh commuting backwards and forwards to the UK?

Yes we live in France and he does do the commute, before this project started he worked one week here at home and one week in London but was always here for weekends. Working here for the week gave him the opertunity to spend time with the kids, who he loves dearly and also gave me a break from taking care of everything. I have such a big responsibilty for our kids, our business here in France (we have a gite) and just everything, like parents evening x 2 in French, Dentists, Docters etc. And I am feeling just a little over whelmed, I get lots of me time in the evening buts its not much fun on your own!

As to changing jobs, it is a possibility but he may not be able to get such a flexible working contract. I know I should just get on with it as it will finish soon, but sometimes I need to just let of steam!! Thanks for listening everybody.

I am in Bordeaux and was originally a single parent here with four children (post uk divorce). I know how daunting all the parents evenings and the admin can be by yourself. Whereabouts are you?

Contact me if you would like to chat. If you want to talk on msn my add is gggglimpopo at hotmail dot com.

I should ask him to watch that programme that was on earlier in the week, "How to have Sex after Marriage" did anyone see it? I would like to be romanced and thought about rather than always being in the back ground.

Hope it does end 1st November.

Thanks gglmp i appreciate your offer, I am actually in the Alps in a small ski resort called Samoens. We are trying to sell our gite as we have discussed moving back to the UK, but as yet it hasn't happened and it is so FRUSTRATING.

Good point Newgirl, I will ask him if he has a problem coming home, although I am fairly sure he's not doing much after work as he is generally too knackered, but hey no harm in asking, me I'm never backward in coming forward.