Worried my DD is forgetting her father

[Yesnoyesnoyesnoyes]

Hi

Long story short. I have a wonderful DD to my ex partner. My relationship was mental torture and abuse with ex. I tried beyond everything even after I split with ex to keep a relationship going with DD and him. Ex has substance misuse issues and has never had our daughter alone. We are going through lawyers for contact as I couldn't sustain his requests anymore and could no longer endure the torture for myself by being in his company. It has dragged on for months with lawyers and my heart is breaking that she is not seeing her father. I feel like she is forgetting him. She can point him out in photos (she's 2 and she says 'where he go?') and it makes my heart break when she does this but I can't hurry along someone else's addictions.

Has anyone else had a rainbow at the end of this kind of storm? Did the ex get better enough to see your child? Did your child develop a suitable relationship after periods of absence?

It really cuts me deep. I have NC with ex which has been needed and when I'm weak I miss him but reality strikes and reminds me that is insane. For my daughter though I wish he could be present and responsible for her.

Anyone else been through similar ?

He’s never going to be the father you want him to be I’m afraid... do you really believe he can be a positive influence in her life? Any father is not better than no father.

My dd stopped seeing her df around 2. His choice..
She suffered a lot less than if he had been around and been a druggie..
Yabu to wish such a person on your precious dd.
He ultimately chose drugs over being a good role model.
Accept his choice and move on.

He doesn't deserve your daughter, she doesn't need him.
Don't force them to have a relationship, he was abusive to you so why the hell would you make her spend time in his presence?
She only needs you.

I can't understand why you are troubled that you child doesnt know an abusive relative, father or otherwise.

I can understand that you would want your child to have a relationship with her father, but this father is a piece of shit. He uses drugs and was abusive to you. He will never be the man you want him to be, never be the father you want him to be. Your daughter is not enough to get him clean or amend his abusive behaviour toward you.

The best thing you can do is hope he doesn't push to see her. She is honestly better growing up without him in her life.

Ask yourself what does he add to her life?

The way you describe him, sounds like she's better off without him, simple as that

I don't understand why you are desperate to maintain this relationship it's a no hoper. Your daughter doesn't need an addict who doesn't care about her and if he is an abuser you should not be tolerating him at all.
I kept my violent and abusive ex husband well away from my son with a court order and it was a relief for both of us.
Where exactly do you see this relationship going?
My son is 36 and sees his father about once a year now under sufferance. He hasn't changed at all in all those years and is a waste of space.

Thank you all for responding.

I think what troubles me mostly is that he is pushing for a relationship via solicitors and from what my solicitor tells me courts grant in the best interest of the child and they always encourage a relationship even with parents who have substance misuse. I can't prove his abuse to me and from what they tell me it's 'heresay' without evidence. I only have abusive text messages as proof but I can't prove anything else beyond this. He has been offered a drug analysis testing prior to contact which would be supervised we don't know yet if he is agreeing or not. It is not the life I envisage for my DD but unfortunately he has parental rights. The heartache is because my DD loved spending time with him as she didn't know otherwise although I do know it's my job to protect her but I can't take away her own insights and questions even at a young age. I have fought so far beleive me to ensure that contact with him won't be out with a contact centre but the way the system worst means if he does not agree to this it goes to court and it's left in the hands of evidence ... It lack of.

I don't want her to forget him right now because if she is forced to have contact then I don't want it to feel uncomfortable or like she is with a stranger for her. It breaks my heart thinking of her being forced into a situation if she then forgets him but is forced to be there by courts.