Fiancé on dating sites

[Mamabear425]

Hi all, hoping for some advice, from impartial mummies and anyone who has experienced similar. I have recently found a tab for a dating website on my fiancé’s ‘frequently visited’ section of his phone. Obviously when I saw it I clicked and saw that he had been viewing girls profiles and sending messages saying hi and general chit chat. My heart sank when someone asked him if he was single and he had replied with yes. Obviously I asked him about it and got an emotional outpour, endless apologies and attempts at reassuring me that it was just curiousity and no intention to persue anything. But it offered little reassurance. I have no proof of how long he’s been doing this, although he says it has been since the middle of lockdown.

The relationship has been rocky through lockdown, and we have two kids that seem to be tag teaming in being horrendously behaved. But I never thought we wouldn’t come out the other side of it.

So I’m 6 years in and the question is... do men every truly look at these sites in an innocent way, or am I just setting myself up for more heartbreak ☹️

hmmm it's bad, but since you already have 2 kids together I would go to therapy together, maybe you can work something out. This happens to A LOT of ppl, and sometimes it can be worked out. unless there are other reasons you wanna bail, I wouldn't just leave based off this, but you need professional help.

Erm, how about no?

Add on 10 - 20 years on that, when he's insecure about his looks or age, and he gets some flattering female attention from a younger women, and he might find it really difficult not to have an affair or sleep with her.

@Wondersense Your hypothetical scenario of if he were telling the truth about what he was upto was interesting and still kind of damning. And the reality is he was actively seeking out opportunities to get laid elsewhere, now.

Thankyou for your kind words guys, I really needed the confirmation in my own mind that it's a deal breaker.

@Mamabear425 Glad you can see this OP.

God what is wrong with men, why are they never satisfied with what they've got

Decent men do exist, I'm sure. xxx

Thing is he’s not only betraying you he’s lying to random women for his bit of excitement as well. He doesn’t care there’s a real woman on the end of his messages that he’s fooling and clearly didn’t care abut how you’d feel about it so it shows a total lack of integrity all round.

Now getting the 'i May as well end it all' messages 😭😭😭

You are so lucky you found out before marrying.

Ltb

Now getting the 'i May as well end it all' messages

Please don't be daft enough to fall for this shite. It's nothing but pure emotional manipulation. He's gaslighting you once again.

The suicide threats are text book 101. It's nothing more than manipulation.

My ex husband did the same, i used to go running but when i realised it was emotional manipulation i would reply 'call the samaritans' and then i would switch off his text notification so i didnt get notified when he messaged.

Surprise, surprise after 3 'attempts' at suicide he is alive and well and we are over 2 years seperated and 8 months divorced.

Its an attention seeking thing so you forgive him.

Now getting the 'i May as well end it all' messages

He is a manipulative narc. If someone claims/implies they're going to kill themselves, then the right thing to do is call the ambulance so they go round. Call his bluff.

Just reply:

‘Nope, you may as well go back to your dating sites - now you are genuinely single’

My cheating narc ex threatened suicide and when I ignored, he got nasty and said I had no empathy. Ah the irony.

Nope. Never. The 'grass is always greener' never goes away.

But you already know this, don't you ?

I think you're clutching at straws to even ask the question.

Do not marry this 'man'.

Show him the door now, or prepare yourself for a LONG haul of self doubt, suspicion, anxiety, stress, gas lighting, lies.......................

Just saw your last post OP.

When you get the 'poor me' shit, either send back the thumbs up emoji or the shrug emoji, then block him !

HE made his own bed in this situation, he just doesn't fancy lying in it...............tough shit.

What a kick in the teeth to believe you are engaged only to find out your fiance thinks he's single. :(

His it's over it not worth living bs is just that. Manipulation to get things back to how they were. The thumbs up is the excellent response to any of his bs.

Do you both live together and am wondering in 6 years, there hasn't been marriage?

And it's the unlikely ones who turn out to be the worst cheaters. Some have a character flaw of FOMO grass is greener. Their partner is great but in their twisted minds they think someone else better is out there for them. They never change.

If he isn’t already cheating on you, he will eventually. I would end it immediately, it would completely destroy my trust and drive me crazy.

"I may as well end it"

Yeah. Bye Felipe. And fuck off with your emotional blackmail. I am sure he felt very much "alive" when he was sniffing around other women.

What an embarassing cliche he is. My skin would crawl right off my back.

Trust me Op, he is probably texting some poor woman a pic of his knob at the same time that he is texting you about ‘ending it’.

If he does that again tell him you’ve rung the police to do a welfare check - am almost 100% sure he will backtrack very quickly