Boyfriend is still close with his ex

[starskys]

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and it's going really well besides from this issue. I've noticed he still regularly talks to his ex, I don't mind him being friends with his ex, that doesn't bother me it's just the amount they talk to eachother does bother me a bit, she rings him multiple times some days. She seems to rely on him a lot for emotional support. I've brought it up to him before but he compared it to me and my ex, saying it's the same thing. I don't believe it's the same, I have a daughter from a previous relationship and the only reason I ever contact him is if it's to do with our daughter. They don't have any children together, he has said she moved a few hours away to come and live with him and doesn't know many people in the area but then she has lived here for years now so I would have thought she'd be settled by now. I don't believe it's anything other than a friendship, I trust him and he's the sort person to go out of his way a lot to help other people, It's more I don't trust her intentions, I think she knows he can be a bit of a push over. I might just be over thinking it but I'm looking for some advice

So it's her fault?...
So instead of your dp learning not to be a push over, she obviously knows he is and is taking advantage...

This here is why there is a issue between women.

He is obviously getting something from communicating with her, he is aware you don't like it and it is a different situation than yours.
She moved for him, but it didn't work out and he should have cut all ties. It sounds as if he has her in the back ground if he needs her.

There is for me no need to keep such a close relationship with someone after a break up. It's good to be friendly and if they share the same friends group I would understand that but that isn't what you describe.

How you feel is what matters. If it doesn't suit well with you, you need to end it. I would not be happy about it and I wouldn't bother trying to get him to stop... I'd just end the relationship without any drama...but that's just me.

It’s unacceptable but trying to control him won’t work, he’ll just be resentful. I wouldn’t bother giving him an ultimatum, I’d just break up with him.

I would leave them to it and move on. It sounds like he is not completely emotionally available to you.

The ex isn’t the problem here, the issue is with your partner. You’ve told him that the situation (understandably) bothers you, and he’s choosing to carry on doing the thing that hurts you.

He’s not forced to answer the phone multiple times a day, he’s choosing to. He has the option to ignore the calls, or answer and tell her that he’s too busy to talk. He’s talking to her because he wants to, not because she’s making him. His ex’s actions aren’t really the issue here, it’s his reaction to them.

He obviously isn’t ready/doesn’t want to cut ties with her yet. It could be that he enjoys knowing she’s reliant on him & likes the feeling as though he’s ‘rescuing’ her, a kind of white knight syndrome. Or perhaps he’s not ready to completely let her go & hopes to keep her on the back burner. Either way he sounds like he’s not entirely emotionally available. I’d be rethinking the relationship before it got more serious.