Difficult decision

[MissBPotter]

Is anyone else terrible at making decisions? I just don’t know what to do.

DH and i were set to use some savings/inheritance to renovate our current home but since the stamp duty holiday has come in to place we have begun thinking about moving away and living in DHs home country which is in one of the other countries of the UK (we are currently in SE england). Honestly this is something DH has wanted for a long time as he doesn’t really like the area we are in now. It’s good for families but it is somewhat nondescript and there are no nice coffee shops, bars, shops nearby, only a supermarket and a primary school. This is where I grew up and my parents and sister live nearby at present. He has his DM and other family in this new area.

I can see his point completely as this area (where he is from) is beautiful, much cheaper to live in and has lots of nice places to go and things to do, including amazing beaches. Plus he misses his DM. He is currently working from home around 80% of the time and thinks he could continue this and fly back to be in the office maybe fortnightly for say two days. He earns really good money now, I work pt at present.

We have two DS, 5 and 3 so DS1 would have to move schools but I guess with the disruption this year a move might not be so hard as he isn’t fully used to his school iykwim. DS 2 starts school sept 21.

At the moment my family helps us and I help my sister with her DD and generally we see each other quite a lot. I don’t have many friends here and social life is very limited really. But it would be zero in this new area as I don’t really know anyone except DH family and a couple of his friends/friends wives.

We have seen an amazing house though and we could afford it. I wouldn’t have a job initially but would look for one. DC claim they would like to live there but they are so young they don’t really understand.

My parents are not in the best of health either, but neither is his mum. None of them need carers but maybe in ten years they might....

I feel like moving would be great in some ways and solve some issues but would present a whole new set of issues. This is Dh dream and I wonder if he will resent me if I say no, though he says he won’t. Sort this is so long. Has anyone done anything similar? We are mid 30s.

It is a difficult decision but I’m with the posters who think you should at least try it. Your target destination sounds lovely and hopefully your family would be able to visit with relative ease.

Also you should have the chance to get to know some local families through your DCs’ school - through playdates/chatting at drop-off (and pick-up, if you do it)/coffee mornings etc. The SAHPs tend to have more opportunity to connect, it’s true, but there should be opportunities for working parents also. (I’ve worked throughout parenthood, mostly full-time, but still been able to make some v good friends through our DCs’ school).

You might find it becomes easier to make friends when you’re living away from your family because there is more incentive to do so.

I’m actually quite excited for you, OP. It sounds like a great opportunity.

Once DC at school, join parents association or volunteer for class helper, it is a great way to make friends.

Wales is fabulous.

If that's where you're talking about I'd go for it.
Will it be North or South?

I live in Swansea which is obviously not where you're talking about.

It sounds like an amazing opportunity and it's not the end of the world if you want to visit family.

You'll make friends here, communities are great if you reach out to people.

It’s not actually Wales but I hope the same still applies! I had started to make friends with some of the mums from ds school (until it closed down) so hopefully that would be the case again and I would also consider volunteering. I think I’d have to put in some effort if I wanted to make a social life. I agree that without my security blanket that might be easier @Dery, thanks for all your points! And for being excited, I am excited by the prospect, but I am a very cautious person I suppose so I struggle to make decisions!!

I think my parents can be a little stifling as well to be honest, my mum in particular is very much a glass half empty person and expects me to tow her line!! She’s trying to get better at this though and let me make my own choices a bit more. That sounds super sad at my age, what a loser Obviously I do love her and my dad loads though and would miss them a lot.

You’re welcome, OP - good luck in your decision-making!

What’s your gut feeling over it? I don’t live near my family but I wish I did and I’m not sure I’d want to move away from now I’ve got DC.

I would also not sell - but rent out and rent a place there to see how you like it.
Then - at least you’ll have a way to come back to your present life which is a known known.

I agree that renting first makes more sense but two things put me off: we might have to pay more than we are paying on our mortgage to rent a property, and we wouldn’t probably make more money on renting it out iykwim (having done it before I know the bank charge you more plus you have to pay fees to the letting agent etc). Secondly there doesn’t seem to be many properties available and certainly none at the moment in the village we are targeting. I will keep looking though. We would also have to uproot ourselves and I would have to leave my job. I really don’t know, gut feeling is probably a yes but I don’t really trust that as my kids are involved!