did it take a long time to find someone right for you?

[amandapears]

I’m not looking for perfection. But I have dated now for 3 years and not found someone I want to be with. I feel so sad about it. I even look back on people I’ve dated and think god maybe I should have stayed?!

I don’t expect fireworks every day or some romance novel. But I had hoped to find a mutual love and to feel like it was very much right.

And I’ve not found that yet (aside from a couple of relationships years ago which ended ok but didn’t have a future).

Just wondering if anyone else has been here or whether it’s just me and maybe I am an oddity who won’t find someone right for me.

cCinderella and the glass slipper always springs to mind. I tried on many, many ill fitting shoes and thought the fault was mine because it didn’t work out. When I met my dh ( who I had known and loved madly years before) it was all very effortless and still is 25 years later. It’s the single most important thing you will ever do so take your time.

It's like Take That say - 'it only takes a minute girl, to fall in love'.

No-one talks about all the people you date who aren't a part of that equation.

You could meet him tomorrow or you could meet him in a decade; but remember, no good comes from trying to be chosen. Be the chooser. Never doubt yourself as the chooser. You are choosing a partner for your most precious human - you. If you don't see yourself as that human, then imagine a younger you, or someone else you love.

But it will happen. Nature has a tendency to prioritse procreation (sorry for the total unromanticism)

The person I thought I had that real spark with was utter obsessed with me until he wasn't!

I even look back on people I’ve dated and think god maybe I should have stayed?!

Take it from someone who really did mess a lot up by looking back (& then going back) with rose-tinted glasses. Look forward.

Personally I’m forgetting about men & focussing on myself: my hobbies, my health, my job, my mental well-being. I really don’t think many men put as much time, thought & energy into all of this as we do-so I’m reclaiming my own life. Que sera sera.

I'm same as you Op but I've just met a lovely man and so far it's going well but it's early days and I tend to mess things up when it's going well but I'd just say don't give up...it's took me 8 years but he ticks every single box for me and my stomach literally flips when I see him and can honestly say I've never felt like that