Relationship with work Colleague

[Ecco28]

Hi I got chatting to a guy who works on my department via messenger and we got on so well that we have secretly been seeing each other for 7 months and fell in love. I have 3 boys he has none. He loves the idea of marrying me but can't because of my life. He said he can't take on my 3 boys as he has his own issues and I don't wish he does as the boys have their dads. Two of the boys are young so he doesn't see a future with me and says it is what it is nothing can be done about it. He also worries at work what people might say as I split up with ex new year but also works at same place. Can anyone see this relationship developing? I don't want to leave him I love him so much that it's sad we did not get together years ago.

Can anyone see this relationship developing?

You are not asking the right people, are you? It is him you need to ask and he has already given you that answer.

What you really need to know is there are more fish in the sea. That and put your children first if you want to have a fulfilling life.

How could you fall in love with someone you've never slept with? tbh I think that’s a bit harsh. When you consider that there are couples who wait until marriage to sleep together or for months into the relationship.

I didn’t sleep with my eXH until several months in and I had definitely fallen in love with him at that point.

I think the point here is more that the OP only split from her H at new year and started seeing this man almost immediately and is talking of how in love she is already.

OP it sounds as if you’re on the rebound TBH, and I don’t agree with others that he’s stringing you along, he’s made it very clear he’s not interested in a relationship and the fact you haven’t slept together is testament to the fact.

You need to walk away and take some time to get over your split from your ex, and maybe then see what happens with dating etc.

We're company for each other and feelings are involved whether things will change in time no one knows. It's only time will tell it's still early days. Life is full of chances and life is short to not be happy for whatever time we have in life

Says he loved the idea of marriage but can’t with you because of your life

Doesn’t want to take you with your boys

He doesn’t see a future with you

Never mind what we think. He has told you it won’t be developing into anything more.

Sorry, wrong post ...

No I would not get involved you are living a fantasy. He has been honest about not wanting to take on your children. No point carrying this on.

The hardest thing is still early days and I don't want anyone taking on my boys. They know their dad lives with their nan older one is a man so do his own thing. He knows he has nothing else to offer me financially etc. I'm doing that already just someone to love me for who I am and he does

Man alive! You are tying yourself up in knots over this when he’s been crystal clear. He does not want a relationship with you. The rest is just excuses.

Please stop with the ‘what ifs’ and ‘it’s early days’. He. Does. Not. Want. A. Relationship. With. You.

Please, you clearly want more. You should end this now, for your own sake.

@Ecco28

He's 55 and I'm 46 so no spring chickens. He is genuine of his feelings towards me. He worries about what people will say and feel we'll be split from the same dept. I've never felt so loved like I have with this guy. I've put up with a lot from the other guys (lot of regret but can't change the past). I told myself not to go out with anyone from work again but there's always been something between us but I was in a relationship.

No he's not genuine or even in Love with you. Love means accepting all that you are including your children. He's set himself up a treat all the joy with no expectations is he married

OP, he is 'managing your expectations'.

What this means is that he can do as he likes, sat whatever he wants, act as though he loves you, maybe even say he loves you, but then when it suits him he will drop you, stating, 'but I told you we could never be a couple because of your boys!'

This is therefore going nowhere.

If you want a random shag, go for it. Otherwise don't. Given he's at work, just don't, because no random shag is worth the work aggro.

Good grief! I might have understood the whole drama if he at least was a decent shag. But you are tying yourself in a knot over someone who cannot even offer you any sex. Why oh why do so many women jump through so many hoops and do so much emotional leg worth, so early on when there really is not much of a decent 'return'. Why was he burdening you with all of his crap so early on? This should have been the 'honeymoon' phase of your relationship.

What do you mean something dark, cant be intimate, wont get involved as you jave young boys?

Look. He is 55. He has been around long enough to know if he wants to play step dad. It's not happening.

You sound a teenager fawning over their first love! You seem determined to believe there is a chance for this, but he doesn’t sound very interested. Something tells me you’ll need to learn this for yourself though. Good luck!

You are 46? Ffs act your age.

PicsInRed
^I think he's stringing you along^

OP writes:
He loves the idea of marrying me but can't because of my life. He said he can't take on my 3 boys as he has his own issues

I think he's been pretty blunt and to the point.
OP doesn't want to even consider breaking up with him cos she luuuurves him....it's only been 8 months since she broke up with the last bloke from the office she was shagging - but she's choosing to ignore the blatant "i don't want a serious longterm relationship with you" message...........clinging on like a limpet....or a sea urchin....