Is anyone not close with both their own family and in-laws and has this affected your children?

[Dr1ppin]

I’m not very close with both my own family and in-laws and don’t wish to be. They both display behaviours that include emotional abuse, guilt tripping, manipulation, silent treatment etc and I have decided it is best to keep them at arms length. I have just had a daughter and I’m worried about what impact this may have on her. Is she going to be lonely, or resent me for not encouraging a close relationship between her and the families? (I won’t do this as I feel it will be an unhealthy relationship). Are school friends enough to fill this void?

I have. Well I'm low contact and I don't give them as much headspace as before. My family think I'm being unreasonable but then I'm not following party line. I don't care how they feel now. It's liberating.

You can't pick your family and you're keeping her away from emotional abuse. That's great. If she wants to know them, she can make up her own mind when she's an adult. Of course don't say negative things about them.

You're making your own family and incredibly brave to break the cycle. Keep reminding yourself why you're doing this. You're protecting her from a bad situation, as any good parent does.

My mum died just before my second son was born. My dad went off and lived a very good life which largely did not involve us for many years. To the extent where he actually took his grandsons out twice in twenty years. We mentioned this to him, we discussed it, but his behaviour did not change. From the other side of the family they did have great contact with a couple of aunties and uncles who filled this void fantastically well. At the end of his life my dad came to stop with us and his grandkids did a fantastic job of looking after him as he suffered with cancer. There was closeness at that point, but I am left sad that this only happened when he was at his end. It did then and does now feel rough when parents cut off, but I guess we just need to learn to cope with this and find ways around it.

Watching with interest, my sibling is LC with our family, NC with in-laws, I do worry for my DN’s, they don’t seem to have any experience of family. In my shoes I’ve made up for their lack of presence with friends

Me and my Ds's are very close to my mum, but nobody else in my family or my in-laws family. It literally consists of me my dh my 2 young Ds and my husband (their dad) and my mum. Even though I have a brother and sister grandparents and even a father! My dh has a very large family and not one person other than my mum is interested in me or my ds's.
They are too young at the moment to know any different or to even care, but it saddens me deeply I think about it all of the time and how much they could use aunties and uncles cousins and even grandparents! And I dread the day I get asked why they seem to only have 1 grandparent when both sets are alive and well and literally live in the same town.
I hate it but it's not my choice or my doing and I wish I could change it.

Not really.
I see it as I’m shielding my kids from their poison.
My kids never ask about them. we are very minimal contact, and my parents & in laws never ever ask about my kids.
It’s like they are nothing to do with them.
It helps that none of them have any interest in anyone but themselves.