im lost and dont know what to do!!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!

[heavenleigh]

im a married mother of three beautiful girls and pregnent with my fourth, the problem is my husband, ive been with him for 10 years but, im starting to regret everything, i have no life at all and im feeling really stuck, if i say that im leaving he tells me to go on and leave and bring up my kids with no father, almost like blackmail to make me stay, im not alowed a social life, not allowed to go to friends birthday parties and such, or go on a nite out, when i do acheive to get out, he constantly rings me all night and i have no option but to ans my phone, otherwise i get all kinds of accusations thrown at me, he however just goes and does whatever he wants when he wants and his excuse is that he works so he deserves it , and i do nothing so i dont,if i go to the shop and im gone for 10 - 15 mins i get questioned about where i have been and what i was doing, might i stress that i have never had an affair or anything of the sort to not be trusted,he has managed to drive a wedge between me and my family as well to the point where none of them speak to me anymore and i have lost all contact with them, im also 300 miles from home and feel like i have no-one, he calls me fat and ugly all the time, sometimes i feel like i cant go on, he says i have all the timeineed to do things between 9:30 in the morning and 2pm while the kids r at school, the other problem is that my kids r seeing the rows and some violence, and he convinces them to take his side my heart is breaking, am i making a big deal out of nothing?, should i just get on with it?

this is physical and mental abuse.

you need to get out now.

Heavenleigh, all I can say is that I agree with everyone here, and I wish you luck. You WILL be happy again, just be strong and go for it. You are not stupid, inadequate, weak, or whatever he cares to tell you to keep you the way he likes you to be (ie controlled by him.) You ARE bullied and he sounds like a paranoid control freak, no matter if you're making the classic 'he's a really nice person' defence. He isn't really if he makes you feel so sad and desperate.
Make a stand and do what you know is best for you and your children. I am sure we will all be thinking about you and I for one send you love and strength.

It isn't being nice to question you so insanely about your every move.
TBH I would have gone mad by now.
I would be telling him everything to try and get him to stop, ie well I had a dump at 10:15 and then I ate a piece of toast, Oh then I made a cup of tea, and picked up the toys. Then I picked my nose a bit whilst sitting on MN............

He is NOT nice, really is he, like runaway said. If he was he would trust you, and ask how your day was, not where have you been, with who, for how long, why?>??????

thank you all, yes he did hurt me i walked away, but he followed and continued the argument,i wish he would leave instead, he says things like, mums going to leave me and take you with her and you wont see daddy again or your friends, the kids get upset and i feel guilty, i used to be a strong person and im sure i could be again, im only 28 so im still young, i just need to break free i guess, i would be a better person for it

See he is drawing the children into your arguments and that is wrong, very wrong. He can't say things like that because they don't know he's only trying to hurt you.

I really do advise reporting the incident to the police so it is on record then if he does it again they will see he is a problem and can remove him from the premises. Call them, please. And don't let him use the kids like that to get at you. HAve a word woith them, or the oldest at least.

What a bastard!!!!!!

Message withdrawn

thanks band of mutant monsters, yeah you know im just going to leave, my kids dont need a blubbering wreek for a mother and my unborn child surly doesnt need my mixed emotions, im leaving it will be hard but you have all helped me to open my eyes and take a good look, i have and i dont like it, or deserve it, im not a party girl but i like some time out now and again, ill be a happy mummy with confidence and love and thats what my babies need a healthy happy mum to make them grow to be strong women thank you all from the bottom of my heart, it will be hard but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, and i will get stronger, i promise to keep you all updated, and thanx again XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

God, you're welcome, glad it helps, this thread will always be here if you want to update, I like to hear how things turn out.
Are you new???
I will put a watch on it and check in.
You will be fine and perhaps a new start will be best. Are you in a position to do it, financially and all??? There are a lot of people on here who can help you with what to do etc.

You will be fine............

yes im new, i was feeling a bit desperate this morning, and was looking for advice, what i got was better, great advice and new friends, thanx girls. XXXXXXXXXXX

Oh you will be hooked now.
MN is great if you are having a crisis, tho I don't tend to post my relationship drama's on here as DH knows my name.
There is ALWAYS someone on here to talk to as it is worldwide.
And welcome to MN.

What do you think you will do???Or are you thinking?
BTW some of us are really nosy

Good MN name btw.
I am normally BandofMothers, this is my Halloween name.

im going to leave i think its best for all concerned

I hope that you do manage to make a complete break away from him.

Do contact Womens Aid if you have not already done so. You need additional help and support. I see like many such abusive controllers he has socially isolated you almost completely along with belittling you. No life for you and certainly no life for your three daughters (and unborn child) to witness.

I would also suggest that you read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft. He writes about controlling men and their tactics at some length.

Keep coming back here if you want to , it can be a great source of strength and encouragement.
You will be fine.

Please read over some of your comments,

"he calls me fat and ugly"

He is undermining your selfestemm so that you become less and less confidant and you feel less attractive

"he does adore the kids and would neverr hurt them intentually"

"he says things like, mums going to leave me and take you with her and you wont see daddy again or your friends, the kids get upset and i feel guilty"

He is hurting the kids, he hurts them when he physically and mentally abuses their mother in front of them. He is using them to hurt you and to stop you leaving him.

"he pays for everything and takes care of everything for me"

He wants you to feel that you can not cope without him.

"I feel bad for complaining about him because he is also a really nice person aswell"

No he is not, he is a selfish, manipulative nasty piece of work. Nice people do not treat their wives like shit.

I hope that you find the strength and help to leave this person. Good luck!