I really hope some of you take time to read this and give me some advice. I’d really appreciate it.
Last year I split from my son’s father after being together for 13 years. It was not an amicable split and I suffered horrible depression, have had to sell my house and split custody of my 2 year-old son 50/50.
Throughout that time, a wonderful friend provided me support, spoke to me until 2am and evening came to walk my dogs when I was too busy being a mum.
Gradually, we began to get closer with him eventually asking me if we could be more than friends. I, of course, said yes as I was developing romantic feelings for him.
It is worth mentioning that this man is also a colleague who works closely with me. After we decided to make a go of things, things between us changed a bit. Instead of messaging me every night, he would tell me to have a nice evening at the end of the working day and leave me be for the evening. We would see each other 3 nights a week without fail, however it was never more than that. I do not have my son on Monday evenings nor every other Saturday evening, but this man never asked to meet me on these days, even though he knew I was free.
He moved to my town from Wales and often went home for the weekend to see his family but, over the 9 months we were dating, never invited me to go with him. In fact, he never even told his family about me. Nor did he meet my son. His parents would come to stay with him often, but when they did, I was put on the back-burner until they went home. This played on my mind a lot and I began to get anxious about whether or not things would ever progress between us.
It is worth mentioning that, before dating me, this man had never had a serious relationship. He’s dated two people before me but neither relationship lasted longer than 9 months. Neither were introduced to his family.
He would tell me often that he really cared about me and that he doesn’t get on with anyone else like he does me. Yet, he never referred to me as his girlfriend.
Over a weekend where he went home to his family, I began to get anxious and when he came back, I asked if he was seeing anyone else. He was shocked I asked this but after I apologised, he accepted it.
A week later, and after 9 months together, he told me that we were too different and wanted different things and he ended it. He said he is “more himself” when he is alone and he does not want the commitment of having to think about someone else. He likes his freedom and isn’t ready for a serious relationship. He also mentioned his chronic illness (that I will not go into) is making him exhausted and he needs to do this for himself.
I have asked if he is seeing anyone else and I truly believe him when he says there isn’t. He just wants to be a bachelor, on his own with his PlayStation, his friends and his family. It’s just who he is.
But I am struggling to let go of the version of him that was supportive, and caring and affectionate. I miss seeing him and talking to him.
I just want someone to tell me that this is for the best. But to be honest with me when saying it.
Thank you so much for reading x