always feeling like a spare part..

[galinblue432]

So I've suffered with low self esteem and confidence for as long as I can remember growing up. I grew up with older twin sisters who were loving and looked after me - but of course they were closer to each other than with me so naturally I always felt like a bit of a spare part. During family gatherings eg with cousins I felt the same, as they were all a similar age to my sisters, so 3-5 years older. I always felt like the boring younger annoying family member.

This has stayed with me for as long as I can remember - I'm 24 now and still feel very awkward, self conscious and very sensitive at family events etc. I still always feel like a spare part. I never thought my relationship with my sisters was bad, until a year or so ago.

There's been two occasions where one of them got drunk and she hurled abuse at me, saying she didn't know me very well and that I've never bothered with her (I guess I've just always felt self conscious) and that I'm boring. She has said that I'm a psycho, abnormal, I "must be autistic" and plain weird. I have also been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and she said I play on this and it's all an excuse. Both times has led me to sob myself to sleep. My mum excused it because she was drunk and she is just playing on my weaknesses, so apparently it's okay. Is this okay/normal?!

I guess I just want to know if how I'm feeling is normal or not. I have such severe self esteem issues down to all of this and still never feel comfortable or can be fully myself in front of my family, and feel I'll never have much of a relationship with my sisters, which is really sad. Any advice?

Op, I’m sorry you feel so bad, I sort of get it because my sister was the pretty little doll and was always daddies favourite and my brother was his only son. I always felt like the odd one out. Have you considered counselling? I did and it really has helped me. I’ve learned that it’s not important how you are viewed by others but how you love and value yourself. A therapist can help you to unravel all these issues and help you to see your value.

Your sister is a dickhead. I'm assuming she didnt come and appologise on her knees and beg forgiveness for the horrible things she said when she sobered up did she? Of course not. So drink was no excuse. S

She is a horrible bully. And your mother enables her.

No wonder your self esteem is shot. With a nasty sister like that. I'm curious, has she form in the past for turning everything into a competition? Or belittling your hobbies? ...because she strikes me as a narcissist and that's the sort of thing her lot like to do.

First step to feeling better about yourself is realising the people around you should be good people. And if they arent, get rid of them (disclaimer: not as in kill them xD just remove them from your life as much as possible).

• Surround yourself with decent people and weed out the arseholes and you'll soon start to feel better about yourself.

The way you’ve been treated isn’t normal! It sounds like you need to distance yourself from your sister what other people do you have in your life? A partner or some close friends who bring positive experiences and interactions are what you need to focus on.

Treat yourself as you would a friend, if they had told you they suffered with depression and their sister treated them like that what would you say? She sounds immature and selfish, as well as unkind, and tbh self centred people like this tend to be the boring ones.

You cant choose family but you can choose to surround yourself with people that support you and respect you for who you are.

I can understand this; all 4 of my siblings are pretty close in age and grew up together, whilst I’m much younger and was effectively an only-child. So I always felt like a bit of an outsider and that they have this bond that I don’t share with them (even though I get along with all of them well. That wasn’t always the case though).

If one of my siblings had said that to me, I would be devastated and I feel you are more than entitled to feel the way you do.

I guess you can love a member of your family and not actually like them. Whilst I am sure you love your sister, what she said to you is incredibly hurtful. Surround yourself with positive people who make you happy. And maybe try talking to her about it if you feel it could be beneficial. It is sad your mother has not been able to see your side of things.

Thanks everyone, that makes me feel a bit better. I feel like I'm responsible and that I should do something because she's my sister, but I fail to see what I did wrong in the first place haha. My self esteem is in tatters atm😬

Your sister was well out of order. Has your mum had words with your sister too? She’s your mother too. She should be sticking up for you.

What were your parents like when you were growing up? My friend is a twin with a younger sibling and her parents were very conscious to make the younger one feel included.

My parents were okay growing up, they seemed to understand and checked I was ok at family events and stuff. It's only really recently that I feel they don't take my side. I dunno I just don't think being drunk is an excuse to call me autistic looool

No it isn’t. I think you may have to distance yourself from your family while you work through a few things possibly via therapy. Do you have an other half or good friends?