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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Being used or overthinking?

4 replies

12345BN · 19/08/2020 18:12

I met a woman at work and we started chatting and exchanged number. We would chat nearly every day and constantly exchange messages. In one of the exchanges I told her that I would be interested in taking her out on a date. She said yes. We never got around to meeting as she moved out of the area. We would still message and talk about our date. She started opening up about past relationships including a recent one with a narcissist which left her feeling low.
A year past and we never met even though she frequently came into town to meet her friends. After 6 months I decided to talk to her about just being friends. She was insistent that she wanted to meet and we should arrange something soon. Again another 6 months past. During this time, she was going through a tough time with her family, work etc. so to cheer her up I sent her flowers, chocolates and concert tickets. I couldn’t go in the end so sent her the tickets so she could!
We finally started to meet up this year. We met up four or five times where on some occasion she will hold my hand or hug me as we walk around and other time talk about what a great friend I am.
She constantly asks if I am dating other people (which I am not) but asks me to keep her informed. When I ask her the same question the answer is no (even though I know she is - Instagram!) or she is and it isn't serious.
I have a feeling I am being used. There is a part that thinks I am overthinking this. But surely if she wasn’t attracted to me, she would have told me when I asked her out? Any help would be appreciated as I am confused :(

OP posts:
noiwillnotbequiet · 19/08/2020 18:15

You are her Plan B.

MrsOldma · 19/08/2020 18:16

Honey I think you know what’s going on here. She’s lying to you, seeing you on her terms only and calls you a friend. You’re over invested and need to take a step back and look at this again.

I hope you find someone who is worthy of you and feels the same way about you Flowers

RantyAnty · 19/08/2020 18:29

Not sure what your asking? You're friends.
If you want to date her, then you need to be direct and stop acting like one of her girl friends.
Have you been asking out and dating other women during this time?

MrsOldma · 19/08/2020 18:30

Maybe you’re a confidence boost for her. She knows you are interested in her and that gives her a boost. Best case scenario she’s doing it subconsciously but I doubt it. You deserve better

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