Feeling lonely tonight

[Namechange6005]

I'm a single mum of 3, youngest is 3 months old. Split up with the baby's dad in pregnancy. He's verbally abusive and has a very bad temper. I had to end it with him for the sake of the baby and currently we still see each other when I take the baby to visit. Things are not good between us but somehow I still miss him so much. I wish he didn't have that vicious side to him nothing I say makes any difference to the way he behaves. He has started sertaline but I don't really see an improvement with his temper.
Tonight I'm just feeling very sad and alone. I wish we could be together but it would never work the way I want it to.
I'm just looking for company or sympathy if anyone has a few words to reply. Thanks.

You don't want him. Not really. You want a healthy relationship with someone that aspects of who he is, but without the temper. Someone that loves and respects you, and whom you can admire and can feel good around.

Much sympathy to you. What kind of interests do you have outside the kids?

I'm pretty boring to be honest! I like walking my dogs. I moved to a new area 4 years ago and didn't really make any new friends or maintain old friendships because I was with my ex. I have a couple of friends I'm close to but don't see them often.
I was hoping to meet new mum friends with my baby by going to baby groups but all that is off now because of covid.
Thanks for your reply
I know he's not good for me but he's in my life and in my head. He's tried it on a couple of times recently and I have turned him down because I know it's not a good idea. If only he could see things from my point of view.