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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Like someone but think I missed the boat

23 replies

Nev85 · 18/08/2020 18:21

Hi,

I joined a cycling club after a really tough breakup of a longterm relationship. Soon after I joined, a man expressed some interest in me..I wasnt ready for anything and didnt really know what to.do so i kind of made light of it. We didnt see eachother for a few months and when we did he would text me and ask me for lunch/ dinner. I also found out someone else from the club liked him so backed off as I wasnt sure what was going on.. We text over lockdown, I always liked him, but didnt want to rush into anything as I was coming out of 15 year relationship. I have been cycling again over the past few months and so has he...only now it feels like he wont ask me out again but i really want.him to. He also doesnt really initiate texting. Should I tell him I like him? I dont want to make things awkward at the club but he is also online dating now so I dont want him to think I'm not interested and end up with someone else...

OP posts:
WinterAndRoughWeather · 18/08/2020 18:23

Just ask him out!

Original poster
Nev85 · 18/08/2020 18:24

I've never done that...I dont even know what to say?!!!

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 18/08/2020 18:29

Ask him if you fancies a bike ride and lunch sometime.

funnylittlefloozie · 18/08/2020 18:30

Just text him and say, "Hi BillyBob, nice to see you on the road last week. Fancy going for a ride to the Banjoplayers Arms on Thursday evening?"

Original poster
Nev85 · 18/08/2020 18:31

What if he doesnt want to? I think he just went off me after trying 🙈

OP posts:
stillfeelingmad · 18/08/2020 18:33

Bless you this is like the 6th thread you've started on this even if recognise them now!
Maybe it's time to work on your over thinking and worrying before Going after a relationship

Original poster
Nev85 · 18/08/2020 18:39

This is my first thread on this! Thanks for the good advice 😋

OP posts:
WinterAndRoughWeather · 18/08/2020 18:41

If he doesn’t want to then you have your answer and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Just remember everyone likes being fancied, so you’re going to make him feel good about himself whether or not it’s reciprocated. He won’t be embarrassed for you.

Just send the text the pp suggested - it’s perfect.

stillfeelingmad · 18/08/2020 22:06

Oh then my mistake!! But you should search out the poster with a really similar situation who's posted a lot you guys could really help each other out Grin

But in that case I say ask him out!! And good luck Grin

SonEtLumiere · 18/08/2020 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreyishDays · 18/08/2020 22:12

How did he express his interest? Can you do that back?

sonjadog · 18/08/2020 22:57

Ask him. He has asked you lots of times, now it is your turn to ask him. Send him a message saying if he would like to do x with you on x day.

seensome · 18/08/2020 23:21

I would start more face to face conversations, maybe hint, flirt a bit, ask him what his plans are.. but don't ask him out directly, if he likes you enough he will ask you given some signs from you, he will want and appreciate you more having chased you. If he's not interested he won't ask.

SelenaMeyer2018 · 19/08/2020 01:57

OP - have you asked him out yet??

Original poster
Nev85 · 19/08/2020 08:45

I havent done anything yet, not ready for the rejection 🙈

OP posts:
Divebar · 19/08/2020 08:49

Well you’ve only got one life OP.... you either ask him or you wonder for the rest of your life whether something could have happened. You were ok with him being rejected... but are kind of sitting on your arse expecting him to know that you’re interested and now ready to date again?

Isthisnothing · 19/08/2020 09:00

Oh my god. It's really easy. "Hey how are you? Fancy getting together over the weekend for a bike ride and lunch?"

There is honestly nothing embarrassing about it. He won't have gone off you. If he is no longer interested there is another reason like somebody else is newly occupying his thoughts. In which case all you've suggested is a cycle which is hardly risque.

sonjadog · 19/08/2020 09:01

You have already rejected him several times. Do you not think it is unfair to expect him to set himself up for rejection over and over again? He isn't a mind reader. If you have now decided you would like to go on a date with him, then ask him. Or yes, the boat will have sailed and he will move on to someone else.

shivermetimbers77 · 19/08/2020 09:23

Go on OP! Seize the day.. you’ll kick yourself if you don’t. Just text to say ‘Hi how are you? Would you like to meet up for lunch one weekend? Would be great to catch up’ . Or something like that..

Original poster
Nev85 · 19/08/2020 09:36

Ye are right, thanks for the good advice!

OP posts:
PrincessPain · 19/08/2020 09:40

Agree with PP.
He expressed an interest, asked you out, and time and again you rejected him. You weren't ready, I get that and its okay.
But most people don't want to get rejected repeatedly, it doesn't feel good, so hes backed off.
I think its your turn to ask him, it doesn't have to be a palaver, ask him for a drink, a Saturday bike ride followed by lunch, anything just shows you are interested.
Wouldn't you always regret it if he found someone else OLD because you didn't want to ask him for something as low key as lunch?

Divebar · 19/08/2020 10:46

I asked someone out at work and got turned down ( he was seeing someone). It was awkward for 30 seconds but I styled it out. Six months later he asked me out and we’re now married!!! 😀

AnnaSW1 · 19/08/2020 10:57

Just Invite him for a coffee

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