Tinder and Lack of Men

[IncandescentSilver]

Does anyone else experience this? I've recently been dumped due to being cheated on in an LDR in lockdown. It's now 2 months on and I want to move myself on by having a bit of fun. So, with normal avenues of meeting people unavailable due to lockdown, I joined Tinder.

Can I get a man on Tinder for live nor money? No! I don't want to blow my own trumpet, but I am attractive. I get random men (none suitable) adding me on FB trying to hook up (usually from other parts of the country and complete unsuitable, bit it happens). When I was abroad on holiday this summer (yes, managed to get away for 10 days) I used exactly the same photos and had loads of attention, and met up with one man for a lovely date.

I can barely get any matches here. When I do get a match, they don't message me. If I message them first, they ignore me. Or I get a polite reply and then it fizzles out. One of them told me he'd like to meet up, but he was too scared to use public transport (despite being a healthy 40 year old man in normal health). I do have standards, I cannot connect with someone who does instant sex talk or cannot spell!

I'm so lonely! Working from home, friends all busy with their own relationships and families, normal social and sports activities curtailed. How are other people finding it?

The same as you I'm afraid. I am very jaded by app dating and no longer have the energy to keep putting myself through it. I'm lonely too but I prefer that to the uncertainty, game playing and bad behaviour of being on the apps.

The dating thread is very active and they have great combined experience which might be helpful for you rather than listening to an old cynic like me.

DPs best friend (who is on Tinder and MN) remarked just last week that there's less men on Tinder than there are on MN!

But surely there must be men who are feeling lonely in lockdown as well, and can't find anywhere else to meet people?

It seems there's so many just looking for an ego boost and sex chat and not to actually meet in person normally.

I had such a different experience using the same app on holiday in a different country!

That’s pretty much all you’ll find with Tinder! Have you looked in to Bumble or Hinge? Loads more normal men on there...

Welcome to the world of the average man on Tinder OP

"Have you looked in to Bumble or Hinge? Loads more normal men on there..."

In my experience you find the exact same ones- most people have all the apps

OP,
As a single guy, on most of the on-line dating apps, I'd also echo the comments of @TossACoinToYerWitcher.

I find it exactly the same. Can't get matches, and when I do, they never message back..

Imho, the sites engender a "grass is greener" approach. By that, I mean that because there is (apparently) so much choice, you flick past someone that you might normally find attractive because who knows what might turn up next...

There are loads of guys on tinder, and all the apps. Maybe it's your filters? Maybe you live in a small quite remote village?

The dating thread might be able to offer some advice - maybe one of the ladies on there can look at your profile and help tweak it.

I'd offer my services, but that's a risky road...

Yep OP I feel your pain. I flit between them all... Pof, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, have done since March when lockdown kicked in.. in that entire time I’ve met one guy for one coffee, that’s it. Maybe there’s something wrong with me, I just hardly ever like the look of anyone. I must swipe left 300 times before there’s a right, then it never leads to anything. It’s totally fruitless yet strangely highly addictive! I think I need help.. 😂😂🙈

I've deleted the app, and I won't be going on any other sites either. Its like a weight lifted from my shoulders! The final straw was a man who messaged consistently over a few weeks and then when I suggested meeting up for a walk in the park, declined because it "wasn't a great day for walking in the park". It was slightly cloudy, no rain! Do these men ever actually meet a real live woman?

I do think that my city is particularly awful, a lot of the men here are quite rough, as there is a particular heavy industry that employs them, whereas I get on best with a more academic type of man. But when I was home visiting family at the weekend in a more rural area, I logged onto Tinder there for comparison, and there were a sum total of 3 men in a 25 mile radius between the ages of 35 and 52 on it!

I think I'm better to try and meet people in person, difficult though that is at the current time. Being messed around by men you aren't even that interested in just isn't good for the soul, and I think I'm better aiming a bit higher. I suspect that most decent men are beginning to desert Tinder. It might work better for the really young.

I would suggest you probably aren't going about it with much game. I had three very carefully selected photos for old including tinder. One full length shot of me dressed up to go out, one clear close up head shot and one fun/ casual pic from holiday. All fully clothed, no bikinis, no sunglasses, nobody else in the pictures, smiling, not pouting, no weird filters, no lying on a bed provocatively, no cleavage shots. I had loads of matches and went on at least two dates per week. Never messaged first. Gave all men four to six messages to suggest a date or ask for my number. Then I stopped responding. No time wasters need apply. Lots of dates with nice men. Met my husband after about 11 months. I enjoyed my time dating though.

Are you in the south of England though chubbyhotchoc? Or in a large city/conurbation? Because I'm not...

I had very poor pickings where I lived but on a day trip to London it was totally different and so much nicer men. I actually met dp through a paid for site, and wow, so different, connection immediately. Was worth the subscription fee

Hi OP. I’m just about to sign up - I’ve downloaded Tinder and Bumble. Not too hopeful but we’ll see - I’m early fifties so was going to put an age range of 45-60. It’s my first foray into OLD so I’m still plucking up courage to even get started! I’m not in a big town or city, stuck out a bit so not sure how successful I’ll be.

And as I said upthread, when I was abroad on holiday 3 months ago, with exactly the same photos and narrative, even though in what would have been a foreign language for most, I had loads of responses, and went on a date even though I was only there for 10 days.

I live in a small Scottish city.

Try Bumble OP, I found it was better than Tinder as you can filter on what the guy says he is looking for. Of course there will be a few who put relationship when they are looking for casual as they think it will attract more females but on the most part they have been genuine in my experience.

@IncandescentSilver oh yes big city. I'd move if marriage/ relationship is on your priority list. No shame in it. Treat it like job hunting.

My friend does old and she says the paid for sites are much better as it weeds out the time wasters, the cheats etc..... not completely but she has had a much better time of it on paid ones.

Do u use plenty of fish?