DHs indecision is ripping us apart.

[Lonely04070]

We have been looking at houses for around 2 years, we live in an ex council house in a rough area and I hate it we have a household income of 6 figures what was a starter home and we have been here 7 years!! DH doesn't want to move a little up the ladder he wants to move up the whole hog. I want a home that's been completed and is decorated as DH is a nightmare and dithers and takes ages to decide little things like the colour of the cabinets. He likes to control every little thing
We finally agreed to purchase a property this is a midrange house it's a newish property but in good condition and we did both like it.

We are weeks from exchange and DH has found out he's had a rate cut (hes a contractor) which is fine as I can afford the mortgage payments by myself.

He's now saying he wants to pull out then a day later he doesn't he gets his family involved who don't like newish properties and they all say to pull out he gets his friends opinions.
Then he says he wants to stay in our current house for the next few years for economic reasons and I can't stand the thought of it. I feel awful for the vendors and embarrassed
Even if we moved a little bit up the ladder to a nicer property I would be happy.

My DD is affected by all this and the arguments I'm getting worn out and seriously considering moving into my own property.

Otherwise he's ok I met him when I was 18 and he always wore the trousers until recently my career has taken off. There has been a power struggle recently as I'm not just letting him do what he wants.

OP, I'm sorry, but the above statement is a real sign. Your relationship was started when you were young and a certain dynamic was established. He is comfortable with that dynamic. Now, things have changed and you want the dynamic to change and that is not something he is comfortable with.

Meanwhile, part of the dynamic is that not only does he make the decisions, but his decisions are based entirely around what is comfortable for him . So he doesn't care that you and DD are living in house that makes you unhappy and where you feel unsafe, because that doesn't affect him.

Also, to be cynical, I'd be very concerned about these savings of his. Are you absolutely sure they are where he says they are and do you know how much they are. Because whenever savings are in the man's name only while the woman pays all the bills, I get very very nervous.

We had different circumstances in that my DH worries about money and in a bit blasé and we lived in a nice area. However, it took 4 years of his shall we move, no let's extend, planning refused and then I got breast cancer and just before I had surgery I said I was fed up treading water and the house was going on the market. He still wasn't sure and I said well it will be going on the market whether we move or not as it's a deal breaker for me and we'd need to sell it if we split up!
I'm not proud that it got to that point, we moved last October, but we're both so pleased we did,
Now I'm currently hassling him to do this house up!

@Goongoon I saw someone shot outside the shop as I went in. He fell to the ground and bled to death. I'm not saying OP's area is quite as bad as this, though she did say someone had been badly assaulted.

Any parent's top priority here at least once they're able to would be to move somewhere else so their kids weren't growing up around gangs, violent crime and drugs, risking getting involved in that, being harassed, or literally caught in the cross fire if they went to the corner shop. That's what I would've thought, anyway.

@ranoutofquinoaandprosecco Good for you! How is your health now?

There has been a power struggle recently as I'm not just letting him do what he wants.

Now you've had a big jump in earning and he isnt in control anymore, he doesn't like it. This is his way of taking back control.

Can you buy a better house with half the savings?