Planning to stay single for the rest of my life.

[EverInTheDales7]

I'm 49 and have recently ended a very long and difficult relationship, my ex husband was addicted to alcohol. He wasn't a bad person but it was a struggle. My two now adult children are mostly independent but it's been hard getting here. I have spent my whole life taking care of others and now I just want to stay single. So I've considered the financial side which is significant but I can cope, and I've considered the loneliness aspect but I think I am able to join groups and, volunteer maybe. I'm pretty independent.

Is there anything else I should consider? Have you lived a life like this and regretted it or loved it?

I love solitary pursuits like reading and other hobbies. I'm not worried about travelling alone. I have no health concerns just now.

I divorced my narcissistic ex in my late 50's. I'd been with him since I was 18! I'm on my own. I've never been happier, barring this whole coronavirus debacle!
I'm not lonely at all. I'm enjoying the freedom to do what I want when I want, prior to this damn virus!

I don't mind my own company. I'm sure you will be fine.

My daughter has a card stuck to her mirror that says:
'The best project you can work on is you'.

That is so true!

You don’t have to decide the rest of your life once and for all right now though op? It’s nice to feel that you are free to live as you choose. A pet is good company, I loved having a cat when I lived on my own. I also loved the feeling that I could have my home exactly as chose. This can be your time.

I made myself very unhappy in my forties because I was looking for love or a relationship. I stopped looking and I'm so much happier.

I plan to work on becoming braver, edging out of my comfort zone, I want to enjoy my freedom when my teens are a few years older. I am not lonely now so I've stopped worrying that I might be lonely at some point in the future.

I am not opposed to it. I just realise that if it didn't happen when I was putting myself out there looking for it, I doubt it will happen. I'm 50. I'm in good nick for 50 but any man I'd be attracted to would be hoping to do 'better' (younger). I am not interested in colluding with my own devaluation if you like.

So..........

I'm 43 and had some awful experiences with men that I'm in therapy to moan about.

I'm loving being single. The only way I'd go out with a man again is if I happen to come across someone in the course of a hobby and he seems an exceptionally decent guy. I'm bi so the same goes for with a woman- they'd have to seem respectful.

My only advice would be to have a couple of people you meet up with regularly maybe. I have, like, one friend I see several times a week and that's fine.

Oh and get a magic wand toy if you feel the need. :) It's better than most sex as you don't have to do 'chores' like giving BJs more than you want to etc. And don't have to be naked for anyone. www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/vibrators/magic-wand-vibrators/

@LirBan

I made myself very unhappy in my forties because I was looking for love or a relationship. I stopped looking and I'm so much happier.

I plan to work on becoming braver, edging out of my comfort zone, I want to enjoy my freedom when my teens are a few years older. I am not lonely now so I've stopped worrying that I might be lonely at some point in the future.

I am not opposed to it. I just realise that if it didn't happen when I was putting myself out there looking for it, I doubt it will happen. I'm 50. I'm in good nick for 50 but any man I'd be attracted to would be hoping to do 'better' (younger). I am not interested in colluding with my own devaluation if you like.

So..........

This 'any man I'd be attracted to would be hoping to do 'better' (younger). I am not interested in colluding with my own devaluation if you like.' Is such a wise thing! LirBan - please be my friend (I don't know how to PM!)

Nothing wrong with staying single if you are happy! I always think that if I ever get divorced I'm 100% staying single!! I would focus all my energy into myself, my kids and my friendships. I do love my DH now but if anything ever happened to him I would def just want to be on my own.

29. Given up. Staying single from now on.

50. 28 year relationship ended about 18 months ago. Zero plans for another relationship. I'm loving being on my own, doing what I like and being beholden to no-one.

@LirBan “I am not interested in colluding with my own devaluation” is amazing and worthy of a t-shirt/mug empire!

OP I’ve known a few women who decided to be single following long marriages/divorce and they are all really happy and quite frankly rather fabulous - essentially mistress of their own destiny, not answering to or beholden to anyone else, able to indulge passions, interests, hobbies and just enjoying life and freedom.

I think it’s a very wise choice tbh and you can always have NSA or FWB arrangements for a bit of fun... tbh I can see myself making this choice long term as well OP! (I’ve currently been single by choice for four years now post-divorce and am loving it tbh)

If money is tight but you have more time, could you consider turning a hobby into a ‘side hustle’? Crafting etc. Sites like etsy are really inspirational I find anyway!

My DP has recently gone away for training and I am loving living alone so much am thinking of making it permanent...

My fantasy is to shave my head, exist entirely on pizza, wear really ugly but comfortable clothes and play computer games all the time without judgement. And yes to the sex toy above ^^. Think I might actually be a teenage boy...

Yes indeed, I'm 58 and have two failed marriages and various other shitty relationships with men who are a waste of space, lazy, sponging, you name it.
I have no intention of having another relationship, he would have to be a God for me to show any interest.
Sure sometimes I miss the companionship and someone to go out with but I have local friends, a career, my own home and pension and numerous hobbies and to be quite honest I simply cannot be arsed with the hassle of a relationship.
I thought I'd grow old with my last husband whom I loved but predictably after 20 years he decided to join a BDSM club out of the blue and go off with one of the women there. I simply could not trust anyone again. We had a comfortable future together, so much history but he's rather live in a shitty bedsit dressing up in rubber gear and going out to nightclubs like the oldest swinger in town, I don't get it.

I made a choice aged 41 to be single (although predominantly been single before that)

Never been happier. Men just bring me grief.

I've had casual boyfriends, but I've been pretty much on my own since 2012.

I've got heaps of friends, hobbies, and I almost never get lonely. I go to the cinema, festivals, anything really, on my own if needs be. DS is shared custody and an age where he doesn't need a huge amount of looking after.

I left my marriage because I couldn't stand being a housewife.

Apart from the trials of coronavirus, I'm quite happy.

So yeah, go for it, OP!

Enjoy your freedom, you deserve it.

35 and done. I've never been good enough for anyone. From now on no-one is good enough for me. Fuck the lot of them

Wise woman, being single by choice as a 40+ woman is truly liberating.

Thank you, I just lost the longest answer in the world and now I have to go to work. I thought this thread hadnt had any replies last night and now it's got 16, and they are all so supportive. Thank you.

I've got to go to work now but I will post later to talk about this a bit more. I'm getting much more excited about the idea of continuing to stay single than I ever was about a relationship. Thanks again.

I love this thread. This is exactly what I've been thinking. I had a relationship with someone I met online for nearly two years. We ended during lockdown. Prior to that I'd been married for nearly 20 years.
I've been dipping in and out of OLD since lockdown (and before I met my ex) and I've had enough. No one treats you with respect, men come and go and most want sex chat. You're lucky if you get regular and decent conversation out of anyone online. I doubt many of them are genuine. I've had a moment of clarity and I'm actually going to start doing things I enjoy.
The only thing I do miss is affection and hugs. But that's easier to deal with than the ups and downs of dating in your 50s.

I don’t know why you need to make a decision about the rest of your life - I think it’s fine to say for now this is what I want. Of course that might extend to your entire life and that’s ok. I think ultimately the lack of human touch would prove my undoing in that situation ( and I was single for years prior to meeting my DH). What feels good now in the aftermath of a relationship break up may not feel so empowering 5 years down the line.

I’m 50 and never had what I would call a good relationship. I’m like you and have adult DC so no one to take care of but me, and I love it! I read threads on here, one I read today about a man moaning about his partners phone use. Reading between the lines he just wants her to sit there watching him, watching crap TV! I commented on that thread that it’s a situation I’ve been in many times. The men I date are often so needy attention wise. When I read things like that I internally shudder and thank god that I’m able to do what I want, when I want. No compromise necessary. For me the negatives outweigh any potential positives and realistically a man isn’t going to fall into my lap, not at my age. It would take work and dedication to find someone and I just don’t feel it’s worth it. I have 2 cats that I adore and adore me so I get plenty of love and affection that way. But they make very little demands on me other than being fed! I think I’m happier than I have ever been at any other point in my life.

When I say "planning to stay single", I mean in the way you plan to pay off your mortgage in 25 years, things might change but I really want to stay single. I think it's in my best interests to stay single.

I met my ex husband at 21 and he was easy going, kind, didn't try to change a thing about me but over time his drinking became the only thing he cared about. He wasn't horrible when he drank just absent, it's a lonely life, and very frustrating. I don't want to be in that position again. Ever. If it could happen with someone decent like him then it could happen with anyone and I don't want to be stuck in an unhappy relationship through my retirement.

Also I was thinking that I stayed pretty single through 16-21 and I was really happy, I didn't really chase after a bf , I think I'm just happy being single and I think it's a choice that a lot of people don't even consider really.

This thread is giving me a lot to think about.

Win-win, you're not fannying about going on dates for the sake of it, if you miss touch you can get a pet and a sex toy, and if you do meet someone fabulous and the two of you fall in love you can change your mind anyway.

I've been single for a while and currently love it!

Some things can be tighter financially, and other people's perceptions can be irritating (eg references to "when you feel ready to meet someone" - as if being single is an illness that I'll get better from), and i did feel a bit hurt when I realised I'd been left out of some invites to nights out/in where all the guests were couples. Plus can be a bit draining when your couples friends see you as a "safe" person to bitch about their partners to

BUT those negatives are only a very small downside to a calmer, happier, freer existence ☺️

How is everyone in the perpetually-single club? Starting to do a little more now lockdown is a little less (for the moment)?