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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’m not sure which one of us is being a knob

4 replies

PurdyFlower · 17/08/2020 18:19

I have a guy I’m casual with but we get on well and talk a lot when together, go out on dates, etc. We don’t talk much in between meeting.

I saw him last week and in the evening he mentioned he was going on holiday. I’d been drinking, forgot, and asked him in the morning if he had any holidays planned. He told me again about the location but not when. I know he told me when he was going in the evening and it was sometime this month, but I don’t remember when.

I invited him round on Sat. He read in the morning but didn’t respond. He’s admittedly flakey (hence why just casual), but usually if I don’t hear from him he gets back to me the next day. He didn’t.

Now I’m not sure if he’s being a knob and just hasn’t bothered replying or if he might actually be on holiday and thinks I’m being a knob because he told me twice and it looks like I clearly don’t listen to him. I have no way of knowing if he’s on holiday without asking - but I really would feel pretty stupid asking for a third time.

What do I do? My gut is to leave it for a week or two, snoop his social media and see if anything goes up about it.

If it’s him just being a bit of a twat and he’s isn’t on holiday yet, then I’m just going to cut him off. I can deal with one day flakiness in this kind of thing but three days is excessive and rude.

What do you think?

OP posts:
SuzieCarmichael · 17/08/2020 18:27

I would say that the point of your relationship dynamic is that it’s no-fuss so the point at which you find yourself fussing is the pint at which you stop fussing. He’s got your message, he hasn’t replied, whatever the reason you can make other plans and see when he next gets in touch.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 17/08/2020 18:31

Agree, if you’re casually seeing each other because he’s flaky, don’t start worrying about whether/how quickly he reads and replies to your messages, otherwise you may as well be in a regular relationship with him.

PurdyFlower · 17/08/2020 19:08

That’s a good point, I think. I have a tendency to overthink. I’m just a bit concerned that I’ve been incredibly rude by clearly not taking in anything he said.

OP posts:
Aerial2020 · 17/08/2020 19:16

Would it bother you if it was the other way around, if he had forgotten you had gone on holiday or would you think it's casual so doesn't really matter?
Either way if he is in on holiday or hasn't replied, it's still only casual so no great loss.

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