What are children to abusers?

[Fightingback16]

I can’t seem to get it in my head why my stbex has not made an application to see his daughter since December. His child that he pestered and pestered for a decade to have. His princess, his reason to be alive....

Was it another tool to keep me from staying with him?

Well they're generally quite selfish aren't they?

My ex sees our daughter EOW. Every time he tells her how much he misses her and would love to see her more often. They both know that I wouldn't stand in the way of it happening

Whenever he's said it to me, I always reply with, "well, if you want to see her, just ask. I'll never say no without good reason." (Eg pre-existing plans).

Yet he never has because, actually, she gets in the way of his life and the things he wants to do. It requires effort on his part (parenting) that isn't always going to benefit him.

Point is, he just can't be arsed.

What are children to abusers?

Bait/collateral in a long term hostage situation.

I always thought that they had kids with you to keep you from leaving the relationship, another emotional tie. If they carry on the control afterwards when you have left what they getting out of that, it’s not like you are thinking of going back. Do they just hold a grudge?

@Fightingback16

I always thought that they had kids with you to keep you from leaving the relationship, another emotional tie. If they carry on the control afterwards when you have left what they getting out of that, it’s not like you are thinking of going back. Do they just hold a grudge?

They dont hold a grudge, it goes well beyond that. They believe they own the woman and have the right to have or destroy her. Sometimes "destroy" is limited to harassment of the mother/possession, sometimes it extends to murder - of mother, child or both.

That’s what I thought @PicsInRed and I’ve been waiting for the retaliation and there has been nothing so far beyond one phone all to the police. No dragging me through the courts, no stalking, nothing. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy but it’s unnerving. I’m confused by this behaviour. All that fuss and work to keep me in the relationship and the desperation to be a father and now nothing.