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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Crush on much younger colleague. Help.

8 replies

workplaceidiot · 17/08/2020 14:48

A few months before lockdown I started a new job. I noticed one of my (younger) colleagues checking me out a few times but ignored it - I was in the death throes of a toxic relationship and that was taking up all my headspace. Also I'm cynical so just presumed he checked out any new woman he didn't find completely repulsive.

Then lockdown happened and my relationship finally (mercifully) ended. I also realised the colleague was someone a friend had once slept with casually. He was, apparently, pretty amazing in bed. The friend had wanted to continue things but he hadn't been interested.

I'm much older than this colleague. He is in his early to mid twenties (I don't know exactly.) I am mid forties but look much younger. This probably sounds delusional but too many people express shock at my age (and the age of my children) for it to be totally in my head. I'm mostly read as in my thirties.

After lockdown the colleague saw me out with my children. The next time he saw me at work he said, "I didn't think you were old enough to have children really." And from that point on I noticed his more obvious shows of interest tailing off.

The amazing in bed thing has piqued my interest however, and I've now developed a bit of a crush. And despite him clearly realising I'm not a suitable partner in any way due to age, and so backing off, I suspect he still may find me attractive. I sense something between us.

Anyway, he's too young. And we work together (and I do NOT want to be the subject of work gossip or make a tit of myself - can you imagine with the age difference.) And he once slept with a friend of mine. And I'm still bruised from this awful relationship. And did I mention I don't want to make a tit of myself?

So I would prefer not to have a crush really. Perhaps I'm just hurt by the end of my relationship and my brain is looking for a distraction? I would like some advice on how to pull myself together please.

OP posts:
heartache590 · 17/08/2020 14:52

Leave it be and be careful on signals. Speaking from experience, i had a 40yr old woman misread 'being nice' as 'interested'

It was the creepiest experience ever when she would not leave me alone. It became noticeable and my boss had to have words with her.

workplaceidiot · 17/08/2020 14:56

Oh god heartache that sounds dreadful. Stuff of nightmares. For you, of course, (and for me to be that woman.)

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donnatellme · 17/08/2020 16:56

Yeah, nothing good can come of this. You need to nip these fantasies in the bud now. Keep your communication with him strictly professional.

Anniissa · 17/08/2020 17:03

Also don’t get too hung up on him being amazing in bed. I once slept with someone my friend had a brief fling with previously (I didn’t know at the time) and afterwards could not reconcile this sex god she was fondly reminiscing about who was absolutely amaaaazing in bed and the terrible lacklustre experience I had that did absolutely nothing for me. What works for one does not always work for another!

TooWarmAgain · 17/08/2020 17:50

Yeah, it's great isn't it?

I had a huge crush (aged 42/43) on the barman (21/22) at my local pub. We flirted, hugged, kissed, he walked me home after the pub one night...

Unfortunately, he hadn't realised how much older I was (he thought was I was early/mid 30s) and people started to comment so it kind of fizzled out. It was a shame because a summer fling would have been nice!

But a colleague? No chance.

TooWarmAgain · 17/08/2020 17:54

And from that point on I noticed his more obvious shows of interest tailing off.

That's because the age difference became immediately apparent to him and, rather than being a sexy, experienced older woman, you became someone's mum. And (as was the case with me) old enough to be his mum.

I understood and, tbh, had I realised he didn't know my age, I wouldnt have let it happen at all. It was all good fun but I wouldnt have had sex with him without him knowing my age.

And, as it transpired, his mum was the same age as me. Quite the passion killer on both sides! Grin

workplaceidiot · 17/08/2020 18:35

Oh TooWarm Grin - that is all rather relatable, I have to say. I think my eldest child (21) recognised him as having been in the one of the older years at secondary school.

I'll avoid him as much as poss. Maybe not make eye contact Grin

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workplaceidiot · 17/08/2020 18:44

Also I think he is likely still underestimating my age, assuming I had my children younger than I did.

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