Relate experiences? Is it worth it?

[Unrelated123]

Just interested in people's experience of Relate and whether it can help with communication issues.
It's not cheap at nearly £400 a month for us. (And that's paying less than we 'should' based on their salary thing, but we can barely afford this to be honest)

What do you mean by "worth it". It didn't save my marriage but couples counseling is probably the best money I've ever spent. It allowed me to see the abuse the relationship and gave me the courage and motivation to move on.

But I'd say that the Relate counsellor we saw was definitely not as good as the therapist we went to after the sessions at Relate broke down.

Are there options other than Relate in your area?

I had one session with XH after I left him. He was emotionally abusive but wanted to try and sort things out and as I gekt there were reasons behind his behaviour and he was genuine, I agreed to give it a go.

Basically we had a middle-aged, lentil weaving type woman who kept congratulating him for agreeing to come and telling me how I should understand how difficult it is for the menz to engage with this kind of thing.

We did not go back and I filed for divorce.

My personal experience was that the Relate counsellor was poorly trained and judgemental. I've had better, professional, counselling in the years since. For £400 per month, you could source a properly trained counsellor.

Nah! It was rubbish for me and I’ve never known it do anything other than convincing couples to stay together when the relationship is over. I’ve been and I’ve known a few friends who went and all of those relationships have now ended. It would depend on the issues but after my experience I would now say that in most cases if a relationship is in a bad enough state for you to be considering counselling then it’s already over. The first time I went I was basically told by the counsellor that I should accept my then H’s affair, emotional abuse and also my part in making him this way. That led to me putting up with him for another 5 miserable years.

I persuaded my DH to come to Relate with me some 9 years ago. I am very much in favour of therapy whereas he is not a fan. He did willingly take part, however, and was quite taken aback to realise how much your childhood upbringing and circumstances shape you as a person. We were surprised how much we were expected to pay - given that many of our difficulties related to financial worries. But equally, we fully accepted that Relate can't function on fresh air. I felt we were making progress, but we were only allowed one session together, then a session each separately, then 3 more sessions, then given suggestions for work we could do ourselves after the sessions finished. The counsellor was fairly good, but we had only really got going then we had to finish. I guess they had loads of people on a waiting list, or maybe we weren't paying enough, but the end was too abrupt. I wouldn't wholeheartedly recommend, tbh.

I tried relate twice (with exh and current dh) - thought it was rubbish both times. First guy just seemed out of his depth and second woman I felt attacked by - we were there because my dh had an affair and she praised him for crying and then had a go at me for looking at her while he was talking. She was also convinced instantly he was a sex addict - he is definitely not - it’s like she had fixed views in her mind on how things went without listening to individual circumstances.

I gave up with exh but current dh and I found counselling with a non-relate counsellor we both saw best - it wasn’t couples counselling as such as we saw him separately but more an emotional skills course that made you think about who you actually were and why. Much more helpful for our marriage.

My experience with Relate is that it didn't do anything for me that I wasn't already doing for my relationship.
I did quite like having confirmation that I was heading in the right direction, but honestly, all the tools you need are out there online.

I went to Relate to help get over my partner's infidelity. They focused more on my personal mental health. You have to have a very clear idea of the path you want to take to prevent it blowing off course.

...second woman I felt attacked by - we were there because my dh had an affair and she praised him for crying and then had a go at me for looking at her while he was talking...

Wonder if we saw the same woman!