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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner is hurt and I don't know how to fix it

2 replies

gothicmummy · 17/08/2020 09:57

The other night me and my partner had a deep conversation and it ended up with me explaining how I hadn't been 'all in' the relationship for the 1st year as I didn't really show him much love and was closed off emotionally, I had just come out of a domestically violent relationship and so was scared of being hurt again and love isn't an instantaneous thing for me its more of a gradual process, I explained that I had always loved him and I only hid my true feelings for a while because I was scared of being hurt again, he understood when we had that initial conversation but since then he has started to over think and over analyse everything and he's hurting because of it, I never came from a place of malicious intent and now I have no idea how to make it better. Our relationship has had its fair share of difficulties but I really don't want to lose him, we have a child together as well. He currently doesn't live with me due to a past argument, where he walked out on me. He does suffer from depression and therapy hasn't helped as they messed him around and kept cancelling his appointments or saying he didn't have an appointment when he went to them. He's also not on any medication. He said he walked out because he gets overloaded and it's his way of dealing with it and I'm aware I need to stop having a go at him when I'm on my period (the reason he walked out) I love him so bloody much and I'm in bits that he's hurting and it's making my anxiety go through the roof and I don't have anyone else to turn to without receiving intense judgement.
My question is... How do I make this right?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 17/08/2020 09:59

He sounds like an immature twat. What are his good points?

Wildwood6 · 17/08/2020 10:51

In answer to your question... you can't, it has to come from him unfortunately. I know it hurts you to see him suffering but nothing you do or don't do can take the place of work he needs to do himself. You mention both wanting to 'fix it', and 'make it right'... the first thing that came to my mind is that you might want to read about co-dependent relationships, what you've described seems to fit this pattern.

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