Be prepared for a long post... I can't shorten it!
Hey You!
So I've just come back from visiting my little brother who is currently in care because our mum didn't want him! My mum tells people that he's there to 'manage his diabetes' when in actual fact, hes there because she didn't want him! The social worker has confirmed this also...
I also ended up in care when I was younger because she was so controlling and narsistic towards me... my childhood was utter shit... my dad was an abusive addict, and my mum knew, so I hold resentment more because I am now a mum and I would burn anyone slowly if they hurt my son in the way that my dad did... and then she just turned hateful and jealous towards me when I hit 11... and it went down hill from there... to the point where I have tried to end my life multipul times because I thought I didn't deserve to be here... and now my little brother went theough the same thing... I can't accommodate my brother because I live in a really small house, I'm living pay check to pay check and don't live the high life at all and this makes me sad because I hate for my brother to feel lile he's not welcome... he is I just can't look after him in the way he needed...
Anyway, I have an older brother who doesn't speak to me because I told my mum straight what I thought about my brother being in care, I also told her what damage she caused me as a result of her unchanged behaviour, my older brother has taken her side, didn't even take into account my experiences just went on what he thought (he was also the blue eyed boy)
So my son has 2 cousins, an uncle and a grandma he doesn't see and I'm sat here feeling sad and guilty about this...
What I know is that I couldn't have been the mum I am today if my mum was around... my mum wanted me to "come down from my happy place because the world is still a shitty place" 3 weeks after my son was born... she completely disrespected my husband when we had my son, (we also had a difficult birth) and my mum just came to the hospital and told my husband that she didn't know if she was going to get my little brother from the hospital and if she didn't, he'd go into care... my husband knows how would have felt about it... poor thing was in a right dilemma... there's loads of things she's done that I think 'are you even right in your head? Like is there something that you need help with because you are really a vile woman!
So I don't have that much of a family, I didn't have a great upbringing, I don't really know how to be a parent but he's loved (unconditionally) fed, clean(well he starts the day clean... 5 mins later though it's a different story) I've never hit him and I've done my best to protect him from toxic people... BUT I still feel really sad that he's going to miss out on that side of the family, I've weighed it up and I do not want that kind of negativity in his life, I do not want my son being slagged off by her (she has, she called him mardy when he was 4 weeks old and wanting a feed) she's also said other things but I've ranted too much!
My little brother is loved... he is safe where he is and he likes it there and when I get a bigger house, he will always have a place to stay (he can sleep on my sofa any time) and I am just being nurturing and loving and kind and hopeful towards him...
I get that there's a lot here so thanks for stickimg with me, I guess I'm just looking for the answer to, have I done the right thing by cutting her off? (I have) but how do I deal woth that? How to I give my son the best upbringing when he hasn't got his cousins to play with? Who do I turn to for support? Because I feel like I've got it all from Google...
I guess I also needed to rant... maybe get some empathy and possibly some encouragement! Xxx thanks guys xxx