My ex has got an immediate new life and I’m not coping

[Sohurts]

We broke up in February. My ex has been living with his pregnant girlfriend since June. He met her in March so she got pregnant when they met pretty much. I know without a doubt that he wasn’t seeing her or even knew of her before then. But that’s not relevant really.

How can the man I thought I would marry and who text me wanting to meet and talk things through and get back together all through March, now be living with and having a child with a new person? They have photos everywhere (yes I need to block).

I just don’t know how to deal with this? I feel like he has just got absolutely everything on a plate with so much ease...suddenly happy smiling faces everywhere and pictures of planning new bedroom for the child and everything else you can think of!

I feel sick and so alone. I will block on social media but having this knowledge is making me feel awful and I don’t know how to move past it.

[Sssloou]

I broke up with him. I didn’t want to but felt it was best...he didn’t want to end things and spent weeks trying to talk about getting back together.

Sounds like you took the lead to unilaterally end it - that you took your time to do so - and you stuck with your decision despite weeks of his pleading.

What’s the issue? YOU don’t want him.

If you want children with a partner in a functional RS can concentrate on that.

[Dery]

@Sohurts - I assumed from your initial post that he had finished with you. You ended it. He begged for weeks to come back - you said no. Sorry but if you don’t want him, he is absolutely entitled to move on. The pregnancy thing is actually a huge mess and I’m sure deep down he’s terrified, but if you didn’t want him, why shouldn’t he make a life with someone else?

[SandyY2K]

You ended it...he didn't want the relationship to end...he begged... you stuck to your decision and he decided to move on.

This sounds like a case of you don't want him and you don't want him to have anyone else.

Maybe he realised he needs to totally stop loving you, as it was stopping him moving on.

[KatherineJaneway]

How do you know they did not previously know each other?

[Heatherjayne1972]

Ouch. I understand why that stings
Just because you end a relationship doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt you too
But
Fake book is just that - fake
They’re posting only the happy pics - it won’t quite as lovely in a few months at 3am with a screaming baby
As others have said a tiny baby is hard enough in a long term relationship

You get to move on now and find someone so much better for you.
Good lock op

[Supertree]

It’ll really sting, I would feel exactly the same way. But anybody can post things on social media to make their lives look great. I fell pregnant within two months of a new relationship at a young age. Unsurprisingly, we split up when my son was 18 months old. I didn’t know him well enough within such a short space of time and just tried to make it work for my baby, as lots of people would. You have no idea of what’s really going on with either of them and it’s doing you no good to dwell on it.

[minnieok]

Moving on is different for each person, it took me about 3-4 months to process my marriage ending but once I got into OLD I enjoyed it, I met someone 7 months after h ended our marriage and am now living together. In your case he ended it so he had that processing time prior to the break up. I'm guessing the baby wasn't planned but he felt he should do the right thing

[barbrahunter]

My ex very quickly met and moved in with someone else after we split and it does feel very odd, it's like the women in his life are interchangeable and when one starts being a pain just get a new one.
I have learned from MN that some men like to move on very quickly, they can't be alone. I would say it is definitely a weakness, as others have said he doesn't even know her!
Focus on yourself, do some activity that's just for you, be alone for a while..there's more to life than having a man in it.

[MrsBobDylan]

When I ended a LTR I was deeply relieved when he moved onto a new relationship. I didn't end ours until I was very sure it was done. I felt very sorry for the new woman tho, as he was an absolute fucker and they went to marry.

[Ginger1982]

I agree with other posters. You don't want him, but you don't want him to be happy with someone else? That's pretty unreasonable to be honest.

[whatsthecomingoverthehill]

All you can tell from him moving on so quickly is that he is probably incapable of being on his own. That he would get attached and have a child with someone so quickly should reinforce why you broke up with him in the first place.

[WonderHike]

I get where you’re coming from OP. Just because you’re the one to end a relationship doesn’t mean it isn’t hard or that you won’t absolutely miss that person and grieve for the future you thought you would have. Sometimes there is just some irreconcilable issue that can’t be resolved in an otherwise valued and meaningful relationship.

You can break up with someone yourself and yet still be distressed to lose that person and have to work to move on from the relationship.

It must have been a kick in the teeth to see him move on so thoroughly and quickly. He probably didn’t expect it – life just happens.

I suppose this new relationship and baby (!) put a conclusive end to things and remove any sense of being in control of that particular situation.

Accept how you feel and grieve for the relationship. Look after yourself and plan things to look forward to. Spend time with friends and family, throw yourself into work, etc. Throwing yourself into some sort of challenge could also be a great idea – could you sign up for a marathon or an evening course?

You will feel better, it’ll just take time.

[HolyForkinShirt]

I really felt for you in your OP. But then went on to read that you ended the relationship. So it should be a little easier for you to get over this. Think about WHY you ended the relationship, focus on that and all the reasons you didn't/don't want to be with him.

This does all feel very familiar and I gave very similar advice on a thread a short while ago.

[fuckingcovid]

You ended the relationship for good reasons for you. Focus on that and not what he does.

[Hellothere19999]

@Sohurts I just saw that someone had posted saying you need therapy and I just wanted to post that I don’t think you do???? Regardless of who breaks up with who it’s hard when someone moves on and especially so quickly. It’s gutting. I have an ex that I fb stalked for absolutely ages and we weren’t even in a proper relationship 😂 it can’t be helped. But over time it gets better, it always does, remember that. As for the pregnancy thing.... pretty sure it will end up being a regrettable decision. Sure baby’s are amazing and cute etc.... my birth alone was traumatic enough, it would easily cause a weak relationship to be tested. Never mind the sleep deprivation after, plus lack of sex or intimacy coz you’re nackered. Imagine not even knowing each other? Obviously it could work out for them.... in the end you probably won’t care anymore! Good luck! ☺️

[seensome]

Some people just find it easier to move on with another rather than wallow in it. I doubt he planned to get a woman pregnant so quickly and move straight into another family life way but he's doing what he thinks is the right thing to do in the circumstances. I would pity him not be jealous.
Try and think positive that when your ready, you can move on too and be happy again.

[fuckedandbombed]

I'm in same boat op.

And he's a nasty piece of work and no oil painting so everyone thought he'd be alone. He's got with someone else really quickly and I'm sat alone night after night a year later . It'S shit isn't it . I had stayed in touch and honestly thought we'd get back together, then he suddenly starts telling me what he's doing with this new woman and her son , where they're going , what they're doing . I've cut contact.

[Lacey2019]

Block him. My ex strung me along whilst he was in London and his new gf in Dubai. She’s now back for summer and he blocked me on what’s app, removed all our pictures and pretty much broke my heart. You are worth more

[Brom29]

It is going to be hard and it’s natural to be jealous, you’re fine to feel that way. He must be so nervous in his situation at the moment

[ALittleBitConfused1]

I had a friend once, and while talking to another mutual friend I asked how she was getting on with her new bloke. He had cheated on her and she had found out in a particularly nasty way. A few months later at Christmas she put a gushing post on fb about the wonderful gifts he had bought her and how much he has spoiled her. The morale of story is that hardly anything that you see on SM is a true representation of real life. People only post the good things. Take no notice of what you see on SM, but yes blocking them on everything is a good idea. Looking at their profiles, photos etc is shopping for pain, dont do it.
OP he was trying to get back with you in March, 4.5 months later he is living with a stranger who is having his baby, do you expect it to last, do you think his 'happiness' is genuine. I'm not saying let's wish it to go wrong but what I'm saying is what he is about to embark on is not going to be a walk in the park. It's in no way an ideal start to a relationship.
OP allow yourself to grieve, do what any right thinking adult should do ,lick your wounds build yourself back up. Create the best version of yourself in every way and once you're over it, which you will be one day, then you can start a wonderful new journey with someone amazing. You can have everything he seems to have now, the difference is you'll be ready for it.

[Brom29]

How are you feeling?

[unicornsarereal72]

Ex left me for ow. They plastered picture all over social media. He needs to prove to whoever cared that leaving me and the kids was the right thing to do.

He has lost contact with his family. Lost his job. His car. Has no money and living in a dodgy flat above the shops. I'm sure he is living his best life 🙄

You have to shut down all thoughts of them. Keep yourself busy and move forward. You deserve better.

[ivfdreaming]

This sounds like a classic case of "I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to want him either"

You said yourself YOU broke up with HIM and he tried for weeks to change your mind but you weren't having any of it. Now he's moved on you suddenly want him again 🤷‍♀️

Grass isn't always greener is it?

[BuffaloMozzerella]

I don't know about this. I don't fully understand why you feel this way when you ended it. You must have had very good reasons to end it if it was a serious relationship?

I think his new relationship is a bit of a red herring and you should focus on why you feel like this about a man you had decided wasn't right for you.